seeking existence

books and blogging

2007-05-30T14:17:00.000-04:00

Sometimes I wonder if anyone still stops by anymore, what with my continually decreasing frequency of posts. However, for today I will not wonder and will instead get to the point.

There exists the distinct possibility that I will be published for the second time in my life, though my name will not be on the cover. I've been contacted about my participation in a blog book collaboration that I participated in, specifically it was a series of blog-type discussions about a variety of spiritual topics. I think I've mentioned it in the past: A New Kind of Conversation. Turns out they just finished editing the book, and in that process decided that some of my contributions would be included. Per the expectations that were set at the beginning of this experiment, I'll be receiving a complimentary copy of the book in return for my thoughts and writings being included. I'm fairly excited about it, especially since I had almost completely forgotten about the whole thing. The book should be up for pre-order at your favorite online booksellers (Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Buy.com, etc) if you're interested. Otherwise, maybe I'll keep ye olde blog around a little longer and give you a review when I have the book in hand and read it.

On that topic, seeing as my blogging has become more and more sparse, I've been debating about officially closing up this shop; maybe take an archival copy for my own writing bag of tricks, post one last piece and move on to something else. Lately, it just seems no matter how much I try to slow my life down, things get more complicated and my schedule fills up leaving very little time for much else. I haven't decided, and maybe I never will, but I don't know that this little blog will get back to the type of content and purpose that it had at the beginning for quite some time. But then again, maybe that's not such a bad thing...

the long pause

2007-05-06T20:14:00.000-04:00

And with baited breath, they waited until they could wait no more. One by one they visited with dwindling frequency, losing hope that anything would change. I like to think that's the case, since my lack of writing leaves me as parched for deep thought exercises as just about anyone else. As is the usual case, my only pitiful excuse for my lack of any written words is of course my crazy schedule between life and work. A few short updates on those topics...

Work continues to keep me busy, such is the norm. Between career building tasks, project assignments, and the daily grind of maintenance I do not lack for things to do. At times I find this a blessing, and other times a curse -- the curse portion is usually when I am inundated by tedious, repetitious tasks which drives the creative side of me up a wall scrambling for some kind of relief.

In other areas of life, I've found a whole new arena of spiritual nourishment that I've been enjoying immensely. I've gotten involved in a new church plant in my area. And when I say involved, I mean that I am working with the core team of people who are forming the worship, generating the marketing, and overall doing a lot of organizing. In particular, my areas of influence have become designing and maintaining the website (duh!), as well as working with the Tech-A/V team which supports the audio and video aspects of worship. I've been discovering that I have a real knack for working the audio mixer for the worship team, and as a result I'm becoming a bit of the go-to guy in that arena. Of course, its hard to discover a new talent if you don't have talented people to work with, and it amazes me how quickly the worship team came together to create beautiful music which I love helping fine-tune. Maybe once I get a few more people up to speed on operating the board, which is 50% art since you need to have an ear for it, I might try my hand at joining the worship team. My guitar skills are rusty and spotty, but I think I could get them up to par enough to lend a hand. Check out the website, I'm excited about this whole endeavor.

Northwest Hills Community Church

On a slightly different topic, I'll leave you with a couple of thoughtful morsels to ponder. Why do certain Christians feel the need to use overly religious, or pseudo-righteous, and biblical language and/or trite phrases when they talk amongst themselves? For example: for the cause of Christ; remember, be holy as He is holy; etc and so on, you get the picture. I'm certain there are probably situations where this might not seem out of context, but when things get tossed in the mix of normal conversation it just sounds odd. Or maybe it's just me and I have a cynical side that just cringes every time I hear phrases that are just dripping with religious overtones and "Christianese." Just to clear things up right away, I'm not criticizing the people who do this or passing judgment, there are some really nice people who I've met who do this from time to time -- I just silently cringe and move on. So maybe the second question is, whenever we find a situation where we might normally toss out some religious/spiritual/biblical phrase, should we stop and think for a moment to ask the question: could I say this with plain speech, without religious overtones, and still make the same point?

Personally, I don't have much use for overtly religious phrases, I think they just cloud any issue you discuss. I find it much more constructive to take the insights we gain from scripture, apply them to the world around us, and use the resulting knowledge as our language and point of reference.

Oh, and on the ReGroup front, things are currently in stasis. Everyone who is involved is being pulled in a lot of different directions, so scheduling another meeting has been tough. We definitely will, it just might be a while... like, we're talking end of summer or into the fall.

regroup has begun

2007-03-24T13:08:00.000-04:00

So it only took about 3 months longer than I anticipated, but ReGroup finally made it off the paper and into reality. Honestly, I couldn't be more pleased. I was organized, I was ready, and our house was open and ready for some of our friends to come over and join in this new experience. Once we all sat down and got the ball rolling, everything I planned was tossed right out the window.

At first I was concerned that getting started was going to be like being back in college, you know the times when the professor is practically pulling teeth to get something, anything, out of the students. But, since the whole point of getting this group together was to provide a safe place to talk about whatever topics we might not be comfortable bringing up in other environments, that's where I started. Luckily, once the first topic was tossed out there the conversation flowed and twisted and moved under its own power so that I only pulled a couple of items from my jotted down ideas (which I had up my sleeve in case nobody could think of anything). Interestingly enough, we spent a good part of the night discussing a few topics that all sort of hovered around the grander topic of death; things like predestination, heaven and hell, divine influence on lives, and that ultimate question, "why do bad things happen to good people?" We didn't end up bringing any scripture into the discussion, since this was more of an introductory gathering and involved a little bit of probing as to where people sat on certain issues. However, the discussions have spurred me to gather more information, seek advice, and I'll eventually pull together some scripture references to help provide some food for thought on the topics we discussed.

We've already decided that we do want to continue meeting; everyone seemed to have a good time and thought the time was well spent. For now I think we'll be meeting on a monthly basis, since anything more frequent I think would feel oppressive. From my perspective, it gives me more time to find information to add more depth to previous discussions, and maybe find material that will transition to a new topic. I think it would be fairly obvious that getting stuck on something for a long period could be detrimental, unless we're all enjoying the continual discussion that is. In some ways the first ever ReGroup meeting was anticlimactic for me, but that was actually a good thing. I didn't feel a lot of pressure, and I never really talked through any of the finer structural points of where I wanted to go with the group. Honestly, I never even brought the name ReGroup up, and I think it was better for it. I've stated from the beginning that ReGroup should be about meeting the ever-changing needs of people seeking answers and faith with a "come as you are" mentality; I think the first meeting did just that.

terribly exciting business

2007-03-13T10:53:00.000-04:00

When you have a few spare moments and want to read something exciting about the state of business and finance in America today, check out this article.

Terribly Exciting -- by Ben Stein (yes, THAT Ben Stein)

Exciting enough for you? I won't ruin it for you, but let's just say I thought he nailed it.

nothing beats a live performance

2007-03-10T13:07:00.000-05:00

There are some truths I cling to fiercely, and two of the more fun and experiential ones that I love go something like this:

Beer tastes better on tap.
Music is better experienced live by a band that knows how to play live.

Last night, I had the absolute pleasure of catching Switchfoot live, as their tour swung in through Hartford. To put it bluntly, they rocked the place hard and had a great audience. The Webster Theatre may not be in the greatest part of Hartford and its standing room only, but it keeps you close to the band and the music was loud. Having never seen Switchfoot in concert before, I was hoping for a good show; after all, they had to live up to my experiences of shows like Smashing Pumpkins, Live, Counting Crows, Korn, Billy Joel, The Dixie Chicks, and countless Dave Matthews Band performances. Switchfoot blew my expectations out of the water! They fed off the crowd's energy, had some interaction, played awesome renditions of many of my favorites, and the music was loud (I know I said that already). Their warm-up band, Copeland, wasn't too bad either, but their was that obvious difference between the rookie and veteran tour performances. Copeland's music was loud and the songs were good, but to me it sounded like they were overcompensating with volume because the whole time it sounded like blown out speakers in my ears (that kind of scratchy, peaked noise). I would have attributed it to the large speaker in a small space, but I didn't get any of the same during Switchfoot's set.

More importantly than the technical aspects of the show, there is just something spiritually uplifting for me when I experience my favorite bands live - well maybe not all of them, Korn is a bit harsh for spiritual nourishment. Being in a crowd, singing along at the top of my lungs, cheering the band, and just letting myself experience the music - the sound, the feel, the emotions - it all just invigorates you and recharges your soul. Even the temporary partial-deafness after the show is worth it. I could have milled around in the crowd after the show to pick up some merchandise or my official bootleg CD (Switchfoot has been recording the first few songs and giving them away at the end of the show), but I had to get back and there's a site out there where people are making the bootlegs available online (again legally, Switchfoot even mentioned and encouraged it in their newsletter). I might still order some tour schwag from their site, it was an awesome show and worth a t-shirt.

Cheers!

progress via calamity

2007-02-15T12:58:00.000-05:00

This article furthers my belief that most major scientific breakthroughs begin with the words, "Well, now that's odd?!" Or as in the title of Bill Watterson's Calvin and Hobbes book, though probably not the intention he was going for, Scientific Progress Goes "Boink".

Lab disaster may lead to new cancer drug

The ideal quote supporting my belief...

"I made a calculation error and used a lot more than I should have. And my cells died," Schaefer said.

A colleague overheard her complaining. "The co-author on my paper said, 'Did I hear you say you killed some cancer?' I said 'Oh', and took a closer look."

Somewhere in all this, it feels like there is a story to be told about the humbling nature of divine intervention, but I'm thinking I'll leave that to each of you to fill in.

domains and kingdoms

2007-02-13T08:20:00.000-05:00

Good article today posted by Jason Clark, give it a read when you have 5 minutes.

A tale of two kingdoms: 3 Domains

Enjoy!

mindset of success

2007-02-08T20:15:00.000-05:00

I can't really put my finger on when exactly these ideas popped into my head, but I'd say somewhere in the past month I heard or read messages that revolved around the rich man and entering the kingdom of God. Pick your favorite Bible translation, online or from your shelf, and read the following passages: Matthew 19:16-30, Mark 10:17-31, and Luke 18:18-30. I'll wait.

Alright, you're back; and yes, I do realize that you just read 3 nearly identical versions of the same story. Here's the rub, most times when people preach these scriptures, it's because they are trying to remind people about the importance of charity, tithing, and other concepts related to giving away money. On the surface, that is a very valid point to make, but there's more there and you have to want to wrestle with the idea a bit. Jesus never said the wealthy couldn't enter into the kingdom of God, he only says that it is extremely difficult by juxtaposing the largest common animal in the region with the smallest opening most people would know of readily. Jesus also tells the rich young man (or ruler) to give away everything he had and then follow him, but the man refused the offer. The problem isn't that he wasn't a charitable person, he might even have consistently tithed; the problem is his mindset.

The implication is that the young man is successful, which is kind of a no-brainer given that we're told he's wealthy and possibly some kind of ruler or local leader. His entrance into the kingdom isn't difficult because being rich and successful is a bad thing, and one might even pose the theory that he need not give away everything he owns immediately (if he were not going to be one of Jesus' disciples). Being wealthy makes joining the kingdom of God difficult because it requires a complete and total shift in focus for your life. This is important so I'll say it again: being wealthy makes joining the kingdom of God difficult because it requires a complete and total shift in focus for your life. The fact that someone is rich is usually a sign that they have been very successful in the world and its economy, but to be successful in God's kingdom requires a completely different perspective. God's kingdom isn't driven by the pursuit of money, power, and influence; it's about building relationships, fostering community, and loving God and neighbors. Godly pursuits are relational, God's economy is built on love, and money is a low priority commodity in the kingdom. Worldly success is built up by gathering power around yourself, obtaining influence among others to bolster your position in society, and using these in combination with your skills to stockpile wealth. Kingdom success turns that economy on its head: power isn't gathered, but utilized when opportunities are presented to better a community; influence doesn't bolster personal stature nor is it exploited, but is used for the benefit of others; and the primary pursuit isn't money, it's God's work in the world - money just comes in handy.

If I can pull together some other things that I've had back-burnered for a while, I'll try to get into a more regular rhythm of posting. Until then, I hope you continue enjoy the twisting and sporadic journey though these things I think about.

Cheers!

being intentional

2007-01-24T21:57:00.000-05:00

While I was in Australia this year, I had some interesting thoughts running around in my head. It's funny what you can think about when you have 24 hours of nothing but one-way air travel on your hands. I've been reading quite a few blogs over the past couple of years, and with many of them I keep hearing this recurring theme of communities being authentic and being intentional. Authenticity I have thought about in the past since that is a key trademark of my generation; we love authenticity and the feeling of knowing complete honesty, but we absolutely despite fake-ness (terrible word, but inauthentic is kind of redundant) or doing something with a hidden agenda. However, the concept of being intentional is something that has really started to click with me.

Let's start with what being intentional in this context really means. To be intentional implies that one has determination to bring about something by design or plan. In other words, doing something you set your mind to doing. I think this is such a great concept because it applies to everything in our lives, and sometimes we can let that slide a little too much with our faith.

We need to be intentional in our relationships. Not in who we form relationships with, but in forming them period. People like to say that marriage is hard work and that you only get out what you put in, but I think the same applies to every relationship we form. Being part of a community means forming bonds with the people who comprise it, and skirting in and out along the fringes does not build up that community. So to that end, we have to take time and be intentional about forming relationships with people: our neighbors, friends, families, co-workers, and especially people we worship and fellowship with. I don't know about you, but I know the world always seems a little brighter and friendlier when I visit a place where I know someone. And to be honest, I'll be the first (since I'm writing this anyway) to say I fail at this all this time because often I'm not intentional in the way I handle relationship building. This is partly because sometimes I don't feel it will be worth the effort, partly it is because I am not willing to invest the time, and sometimes (or often, depending on your outlook) it is because I don't feel I have the time I feel I would need to genuinely build that bond.

We need to be intentional in our commitments. I've sort of touched on this topic in the past, especially when it came to the early planning stages of ReGroup. I find it odd that we can so easily over-commit ourselves at work, and under-commit ourselves to the things we enjoy. Things can get so bad that we eventually cannot add anything new to our schedules, because to do so would leave us with the feeling that we have no time to relax or no time to ourselves. I know I can get this way, though I do try to avoid it. I think being intentional in our commitments is a huge step to take, but one that can benefit us. First, being intentional about commitments means investing ourselves in tasks we are passionate about. At work, if I am passionate about the security of our infrastructure, committing my time to maintaining and enhancing the security methods we employ does not feel like a burden. I am passionate about ReGroup, so by the same logic the energy I am investing in trying to get it organized and the time I am willing to set aside for gathering with people does not feel like a sacrifice. Secondly, it means committing ourselves to endeavors we feel called to be a part of. I've experienced the opposite of this at work and it drives me nuts; you meet people who are perfectly matched for a particular assignment, but they refuse to step to the plate because they have already stretched themselves so thin they couldn't commit to the task if they tried. Which sort of leads to the counterpoint, that sometimes being intentional about commitments means being intentional about refusing commitments; this way we have time when something truly important does come our way. And yes, I know, there will always be something that we do not truly enjoy that we cannot refuse, but we take those in stride when we must. Overall, we shouldn't make commitments we are not willing to give ourselves over to, it just cheats us and the other people involved.

We need to be intentional about prayer. This one is a bit more obvious, and yet I still struggle with it. What really drives this home for me, is that being intentional about prayer directly relates to being intentional about our relationships. Prayer is part of our relationship with God; it is our most intimate form of communication. If we are not determined to pray, then we are not determined to build our bond with God. Praying intentionally is also about commitment; if we are not willing to commit time to conversing with God, it exposes a gap in the passion of our faith. And let me tell you, writing these words is painful; like I said, I struggle with prayer, so it hits home... hard.

I've written about how working with ReGroup is going to take patience and how it will require the people involved to foster an environment of authenticity and love, but the one thing it will truly take to get it off the ground is intentionality -- and people who are passionate, committed, and prayful.

simple yet difficult

2007-01-09T00:29:00.000-05:00

I'd apologize for the lack of posting, but unfortunately I have no excuse save the lack of new ideas and new progress on the various things going on in my life. On the book front however, I have finally gotten around to reading Velvet Elvis by Rob Bell -- suffice it to say, it is an awesome book. I am consistently amazed at what I perceive as God's influence in shaping the appropriate times in my life for me to stumble upon information that directly impacts things I am thinking about or experiencing. And as you might have surmised, Velvet Elvis was a book filled with ideas and concepts and stories that directly related to a lot of stuff going on with me or around me lately.

I think that if I were to take all of the information that I have absorbed from various books, including another perspective as added by Rob Bell, I could boil down my current insight to the following statement.

Being a Christian - following the way of life that Jesus taught - can be, more often than not, a difficult life... but it is very simple.

I know, I know... that sounds so contradictory and confusing, but let me give a quick illustration from my Christmas holiday. We gave my aunt and my mom a small puzzle, it consists of 9 squares that you must arrange into a 3x3 grid. The puzzle when completed will look like a Pennsylvania Dutch quilting pattern. Each square forms a portion of the pattern, and in order to connect to squares into the 3x3 grid that reveals the pattern, you need to match up some pictures. The squares' four sides have each have 1 of 8 images: the bottom or top of a blue "tulip", the bottom or top of a blue "rose", the bottom or top of a red heart flower, the bottom or top of a red "rose". There is only one solution to the puzzle. The concept is extremely simple, arrange the squares in a 3x3 grid so that the sides of the squares that touch form a complete flower (matched tops and bottoms). Would you guess that even after having 2 medical professionals, an engineer and computer scientist, a teacher, an environmental manager, and 2 quilters all try separately and teamed together in various combinations, we still haven't been able to solve that stupid puzzle! The game is simple, solving it is difficult. There are many combinations that nearly solve it and come up short by one square; also, there are times where you think you've gotten it licked, only to realize that you mismatched one element by mistake. However, there is an upside to this simple yet difficult puzzle -- we spent time together, we laughed, we talked while we played with it, we helped each other, we pointed out mistakes each other's mistakes when we noticed them to save future frustration. In short, no one got it perfect, but by simply knowing the guiding principles and giving it our best shot, we had some fun together.

The way of life that Jesus taught is an extremely simple life, but actually living it out everyday can be extremely difficult. Love your neighbor. How much more simple can it get? It's a profound statement with wide ranging implications, and yet we screw it up all the time. Certainly, we could ask what has already been asked; who is my neighbor? But there are even more complex situations that make that principle difficult to live out. I know my neighbor includes everyone that I come into contact with throughout my life, but how could I possibly love someone who wrongs me deeply? Say a loved one was killed by a repeat drunk driver; could you suppress your grief, anger, rage, loneliness, and utter sense of loss and love that neighbor? What if you were the victim of identity theft which then resulted in your house being foreclosed on, car repossessed, and required you to file bankruptcy before they caught the person responsible; could you love that neighbor?

Such a simple way of life, and yet so difficult to live it....

do politics and christmas mesh

2006-12-19T14:58:00.000-05:00

In answer to mine own rhetorical question, probably not, but for the purposes of this post - they will!

-=-=-=-

Just a brief commentary on the state of the world...
The United States is Insolvent
The Top Ten Stories You Missed in 2006

If those two articles don't make you want to either move out of the US entirely, or at least scream at the federal government, then you must be dead. Well, to be fair, the other possibility is that you don't fully understand some of the finer points of fiscal responsibility and economics. I'm no expert, but I know enough to get by, and this kind of stuff just burns me up.

Essentially, think of it like this: while a few government agencies attempt to crack down on predatory lending practices by banks and credit companies that are fueling the ability of Americans to live above their means by racking up insurmountable debt, the government itself is living so far above it's means that expenditures and debt total up to 400% of the entire country's market value (value of all goods/services produced == theoretical "national income"). Then, to top it all off, while they are burning money like it's going out of style, they gloss over arms races and foreign dealings in order to push other foreign policy agendas. Personally, I don't care what the president might have to say over the next 2 years... the actions of the US government over the past 6 years have not made the American public safer or more secure -- especially fiscally. We have more enemies, and upcoming generations have a very bleak economic future. If future candidates want my vote, they better have more than just words when it comes to environmental, fiscal, political, and foreign policy reform.

-=-=-=-

On a more upbeat note --- Merry Christmas! I hope that you have a safe and happy holiday spending time with loved ones. While I recognize that for Christians this time of year represents a celebration of the birth of Jesus, I also would encourage you to look at this time of year as a time to focus on family, friends, and lending a hand to those less fortunate than ourselves. My wife and I decided that if we were going to go broke during Christmas, it was going to be because we poured extra money into local charitable giving efforts.

Unless something jumps up... see you next year! Cheers!

fluidity of time

2006-12-14T17:03:00.000-05:00

No, I haven't change topics for the blog to quantum-multi-dimensional physics; it's time for another update and "I'm not dead" post. I could of course ask, nay beg, your pardon for my lack of writing and information, but I'm sure many of you will understand anyway.

Time is money. Time is of the essence. Time is on my side. Time is a piece of wax, fallen on a termite, that's choking on a splinter. Time is running out. Time to make the donuts. Time is a precious commodity. Time is irrelevant. Time heals all wounds. Time is... annoying!

I'm not normally a "not enough hours in the day" kind of person, but lately I could convince myself to be. Between the mountain of work I have to finish before my holiday vacation time, the preparations that go along with those holidays, and both recent and looming business travel to contend with, I want to know what happened to my 4th quarter lull. The increased demand on my time, conflicting schedules, and the ever unpredictable illnesses have made it extremely difficult to make forward progress with starting up ReGroup. I have been thinking about it a lot, and gathering bits of information here and there in anticipation of some possible areas of discussion. However, for the moment it is looking like ReGroup will not launch until 2007.

Time waits for no man, but...

James 5:7
Be patient, then, brothers and sisters, until the Lord's coming. See how the farmer waits for the land to yield its valuable crop, patiently waiting for the autumn and spring rains.

going back to the lyrics

2006-12-01T20:34:00.000-05:00

So, I know in the past I've plugged my cousin-in-law's band, this is necessarily one of those posts. However, one of their songs is the subject of the day; let's face it music and song lyrics are a powerful influence in many people's lives. If you jump over to the MySpace page for Jo Henley, you can listen to 3 songs on the built-in player; listen to If God's My Pilot, I really like the lyrics. Here's the chorus...

If God's my pilot, someone wake Him up behind the wheel
If God's my compass, how come his direction's brought me here
It's long been said, that faith is all we get
So if God's my captain, what is there to fear...

I'd have to say, there was a long time (and some times still) where this is exactly how I felt. There are days I wish I were the least bit talented at songwriting, because there is just something more raw about the way the message comes across... well that's the way it is for me anyway.

of greed and falling morality

2006-11-28T17:38:00.000-05:00

Work is keeping me busy, but I'll be back blogging with something in a day or two, or three... basically, hang tight!

In the interim, sometimes I wonder if there is something fundamentally wrong with American society and morals. Check out this story about one guy's Black Friday Nintendo Wii story.

Now, I saw all the news about the Playstation 3 and the violence that ensued with its release. Believe me, that made me question some people's sanity. I could never see myself standing in line overnight to purchase electronics, I don't need them that badly; let alone robbing someone at gun point, or beating them up and stealing $600 worth of electronics from them. However, I think the story above is even worse, this woman had the gall to prey upon someone's generous nature in order to cheat someone else out of money! The Nintendo Wii had the fortune of being a video game console that did not suffer from the ills of violence and extortion upon release, until I read this story. I honestly think that place like eBay should start cracking down on this kind of predatory auctioning of newly released, high demand consumer products -- especially leading up to a holiday that should be about generosity, family, and love (yes, I know, and Jesus). However, since I know that eBay will never do such a thing, I would hope that at least people would let go of the greed and violence... it is after all, just a video game.

I debated about jumping on the trend after I saw last year's debacle with the Xbox360, but I didn't; I'm just not that kind of guy. Plus, I don't think it helps the situation... companies get free press from these situations (the old, there's no such thing as bad press), and it promotes instant gratification at any cost. Am I interested in the Nintendo Wii, yes; am I willing to wait until they are actually available from any store on any given day if I buy one, yes.

Enough ranting... more on spiritual stuff later.

the un-meeting

2006-11-19T14:05:00.000-05:00

In this instance, "un-meeting" does not refer to some interesting aspect of how ReGroup is different from other types of groups that exist out there. No, last night we had an non-meeting; or to put simply, there was no meeting. Due to some extenuating circumstances, the couple who had offered their home to host ReGroup for the evening had to cancel. The good news, is that things just like this -- life getting in the way -- are to be expected and must be given room. Sometimes other things just have to take priority, which can be a good thing. So, I'll be looking to reschedule this postponed kickoff for sometime after Thanksgiving when schedules allow. I hope to have at least one meeting, preferably two, before people start to disappear for Christmas.

So for those who were waiting on word, there it is... I appreciate your thoughts and prayers, hopefully it won't be much longer.

the saga begins

2006-11-14T17:24:00.000-05:00

Nope, this isn't a random post about Star Wars, though I have been known to throw a couple of those in from time to time. This is about mustering the troops and circling the wagons. In other words, the very first ReGroup gathering is happening this weekend. Obviously, the first ever meeting will be a bit structured since there is some housekeeping to take care of -- primarily explaining what exactly is going on.

You see, the people who are going to be a part of this pilot experiment don't really know what to expect because they came to me with concerns and requests, from which I cobbled together this concept. From one person came the concern about lack of faith and lack of answers to tough questions, while another is fed up with the lack of meaning in an existing church community. I was asked to put together a Bible study by one, and told that I should start a new church by yet another. I will be pulling together these people, with widely varying stories and stages of faith, and nurturing a community. However, I have to first explain to everyone what crackpot ideas I came up with and what exactly this "ReGroup" thing is. I have some book excerpts to read, some scriptures to share, some questions to discuss, and in the end an informal poll to take. The idea is to introduce the idea of what our community is going to be and the limitless possibilities for where we can take it. Once that is covered, I can finish up by asking each person some of their specific questions they'd like to explore, topics they'd like to discuss, and activities they'd like to organize... you get the idea. Basically, the first meeting is really an introduction and information gathering session. But, don't get me wrong, if some of the exploratory discussion questions really ramp up, then we can throw away script and riff.

I'm excited and just a little nervous -- the nerves are mostly because I hope they don't all think I'm nuts when I unveil this rather unconventional idea instead of some other expectation they might have. We shall see...

group flexibility

2006-11-11T09:52:00.000-05:00

A semi-quick word on flexibility, seeing as I haven't posted much lately.

There are many ways to interpret flexibility, especially as it relates to church and spiritual matters. There is flexibility in doctrine; while in some instances this can be useful for maintaining unity and avoiding judgmentalism, as they say, there can be too much of a good thing. There is flexibility in meeting; I touched on this earlier, mostly from the frame of reference that gathering together is not limited to a single time and place. There is flexibility in format; again, this topic I touched on before, maintaining the position that changing up the content and activities of a meeting is a good thing. Lastly (for now), there is flexibility in the medium. This is what I'd like to elaborate on.

Medium: singular of media, the format through which communication is achieved. Since ReGroup is by its very definition something that must emerge from its surrounding cultural and societal context, the medium or media used for communication within and for the group will range widely. However, as with flexibility in doctrine, there is a limitation to how flexible a group can be with the media used to communicate. First and foremost, there is one aspect of ReGroup that is fundamental and unchangeable for it to function and succeed. People who join ReGroup must be located geographically near each other so they can meet face-to-face on a regular basis. This personal contact is a must, especially in a time when digital interactions are a major part of mainstream communication - instant messaging, texting, chat rooms, blogs, myspace pages, cell phones, etc. This is not to say that any of those technologies are bad, they have their uses. However, to truly know someone and be a part of each other's lives requires that fundamental human need -- to be with others, not be alone, and know you are loved.

Now, the flexibility in medium comes from the communication that takes place between meetings. Sure one could go so far as to say that meaningful conversation should only ever take place face-to-face, which might lead to many impromptu calls to meet for coffee, but there obviously are other options. If the group so decides, they could choose any one or more (or none) of the myriad communication technologies to keep each other up to date, or perhaps discuss ideas for future meetings. Anything goes, so long as it works for everyone: a private or public group blog, a group website (like Yahoo! or MSN Groups), myspace, a mailed newsletter, phone calls, text messages, etc. How a group communicates will emerge from within the context of how they live their lives. There is no defined template of how a ReGroup should be formatted, and thusly there is no template as to how a ReGroup will communicate.

Cheers!

Reminder: Keep that feedback coming, as much as it might help you to have questions or concerns addressed, it helps me even more by forcing me to think about things that I might never have thought of...

round one responses

2006-10-31T08:44:00.000-05:00

A couple of weeks, a couple of questions, and now some responses. I'll apologize in advance, as I must not have been getting a refreshed page each time I checked the site (possibly a side-effect of migrating my blog to the new beta interface). Here I went a full week thinking no one had responded!

Trust and Openness
In response to my previous post, church regrouping, Jim brought up some key points of what will make ReGroup sink or sail. Trust and openness go hand in hand when attempting to create a safe environment for people to share and grow. Obviously, trust is something earned, so part of that process means that everyone understands the ground rules and someone has to start the cycle. Those ground rules being something of the variety: we respect each other's opinions even if we don't agree; we don't pass judgment on each other's personal decisions; criticism is to be done from an honest and loving attitude, without bitterness or vindictiveness; stories shared in confidence are to be kept within the group, only to be shared outside the group with the permission of the one who shared. When I say someone needs to start the cycle, I mean that openness starts with someone opening up. Since I'm going to be the initiator of the first ever incarnation of ReGroup, my most important job is to share my story honestly in small bites and ensure that others begin to feel they can trust me and each other to share their own stories and experiences. And obviously, as Jim mentioned, trust also comes from getting to know each other in different scenarios, so the ability to change up the format and venue allows different people's personality to shine through.

Living the Busy Life
As a response to a brief additional comment that Jim made, I felt it would be good to bring up that constant nagging aspect of the current American way of life: over-scheduling. We can get so busy in our lives that we often feel we couldn't possibly fit another thing into our schedules. However, it is interesting to note that we often find time to squeeze in things that we want to do, and use the "busy" excuse when something we should do comes up but don't necessarily want to do it. In order to avoid falling prey to the over-scheduling aspect, I think the ability to keep things flexible becomes crucial. Setting a regular day and time should be done, but with the caveat that should the need arise to move to another day or time it can be done to accommodate the group. As for the want/need problems... my advice would be the same for say, golf. If you want to play more golf, but don't often have time, you have to make the time. If it is something important to you, then you will find the time to do it. In this instance, you have to be willing to break the cycle of your life. Another golf analogy: you'd like to buy new clubs, but you don't play that often due to your schedule so you don't feel you can rationalize new clubs; however, if you bought the new clubs, wouldn't you make time in your schedule for more golf the next year in order to make the purchase worthwhile? Short version, you're only as busy as you allow yourself to become, and you are in charge of your schedule -- your schedule is not in charge of you. (Then again, I am an optimist...)

Keeping it Intimate
I think ideally that if the group can stay under 10 people, it would be to a greater benefit to the group's self-determined goals. I say this because smaller groups have a tendency to foster greater intimacy and stronger relationships between people. However, that doesn't mean that the group couldn't swell to above 15 people for a given meeting or event. One of the other important aspects is that the group should always feel open and inviting to anyone and everyone, so obviously there wouldn't be a group bouncer who turned the 16th person away. The key here is that the small nature of the group is designed to foster relationships and encourage strong bonds so that we can help each other in our journeys.

Evolving with Change
In order for the group to remain flexible, authentic, and relevant, it needs to be able to cope with change in group dynamics. One of the most obvious kinds of change is the fluid nature of the group. Everyone in the group, especially those committed to the community for the long haul, need to recognize that the group may serve some people for a short time. Hopefully, those we help will stay in touch, but we don't require them to stay in the group forever. Another kind of change to deal with is change brought on by growth, when the group starts getting close to 15 people or above on a regular basis. At that point, the best scenario is for at least 3 or 4 people to make the commitment to spin off another group. They wouldn't have to spin into a completely autonomous entity if they didn't want to; as Jim mentioned, I think drifting between groups would be good and occasional multi-group organized activities would be even better. Another kind of change might even be a group deciding that rather than spinning another networked-yet-independent group from itself, they choose to set down roots and form a somewhat more traditional church body -- weekly services, classes, leadership team, preacher(s), and of course ReGroups.

I like to think of the growth process like gardening; tomatoes for example. You plant the seeds, water them, ensure they get proper sunlight, remove weeds that would impede growth, and in the end you hopefully have a healthy plant that bears ripe tomatoes. But that's not the end, those tomatoes are chock full of seeds, which you could reserve during meal preparation for a couple of purposes. You could use the seeds to increase your yield of tomatoes next year, you could share the seeds with a friend to help them establish their own tomato garden, you could give the seeds to a school and offer to help teach children about how plants grow with them, etc and so on. The only limitation is the the self-placed one.

Keep the questions, ideas, and comments coming... they only help to further define an explore the many facets of ReGroup!

polling in spirit

2006-10-17T17:24:00.000-04:00

Considering that I've been told that there are some people out there who are reading this blog to hear more about ReGroup as I weave things together in preparation for an official kickoff, I figured information about it should be gathered in the spirit of the idea.

What do I mean by that exactly? Quite simply, rather than you passively reading my blog and wondering when I'll next toss some intellectual and practical morsels about ReGroup, it's your opportunity to contribute and interact. I want to know, those of you who are intrigued by the concept or excited about the idea, what questions do you have? What comments or concerns come to mind when you think about this endeavor? Or to put a different spin on things, did you read or hear my initial description and think that it was something you would love to start or join yourself? Let me know!

I could keep writing things as I think of them and work them out, but the fact that there are people wanting to know more and not knowing what questions they have makes it hard for me to write more about ReGroup. If I don't hear much, then I'll shift to some other topics that I've back-burnered for a while. If I hear a lot, maybe I'll consider spinning off a separate blog to tackle the subject in-depth -- which I may do eventually anyway.

Anyway, I look forward to hearing all your questions and comments, constructive feedback is always appreciated!

church regrouping

2006-10-15T19:35:00.000-04:00

So, I know I have some people out there who have been waiting to hear more about this whole ReGroup thing that I am hashing out, so I guess I have a bit more worked out that I can share. So I'd like to share 2 things: how does one introduce the concept; and when I say ReGroup isn't church but at the same time it is church, what exactly does that mean?

For those who might have heard Paul and I speak at the ACU Lectureship, obviously the final day was one way that the concept can be shared. Essentially, I read an abridged version of my post, the time of regrouping. However, as some have expressed to me, that explanation really only whets the appetite for more information. Because of this, I've been working on a flexible agenda that I can use to kickoff the first ever meeting of a ReGroup community. As I've seen, sometimes the best way to start something is to make sure everyone understands what defines the mission. The first and most important items on my kickoff meeting agenda are: What is ReGroup? What is ReGroup NOT?

So what is ReGroup?

A community where one can safely explore issues of life and faith.
A community which supports one another in the face of great joy and terrible pain.
A community that accepts people for who/where they are in their journey.
A community which stands ready to help each other take the next step in their journey.
A community who welcomes in those hurting from the abuses of today's society.
A community that values who you are and who you want to be, more than who you were.
A community that can change and adapt to meet the needs of the group.
Whatever you want and need ReGroup to be...

(Catching a trend there...)
Obviously, in order for a lot of that to work in practice, a ReGroup community probably can't grow much larger than say 15 people before it starts to compromise the intimate dynamics that a smaller group can offer. Also, when I say ReGroup can be whatever you want/need it to be, I mean exactly that. Which leads me to the next question...

In that case, what is ReGroup NOT?

A Bible study.
A church small group.
A discussion group.
A book club.
A devotional.
A social outing or event.
An informal counseling session.

However, at the same time, it can take the form of any of those should the need arise. One thing that ReGroup can never be though, is an exclusive group of friends. Building friendships is core to the growth and success of ReGroup, but exclusivity will stop it dead in its tracks and undermine everything it stands for. I suppose one other thing ReGroup can never become is some form of a 3/6/12 step program for fixing your faith. If there's anything I've learned through my own spiritual wrestling, it's that there is no single, guaranteed way to find and build a faith that works for everyone. There are common threads, but weaving those threads into a living faith is different for everyone.

So, now that the basic idea has been laid out there, why is ReGroup not church and yet still church? What makes this community a new and different kind of church? Honestly, I make no claim that this idea of mine is some kind of new and revolutionary form of church that I alone invented. There are threads of ideas that I have taken and woven together into a vision of a community built on faith that meets a need that I see being overlooked. Take the idea of organic church for instance, the concept of taking the kingdom of God into places where life happens and culture is formed -- instead of taking people out of those places. There's a book on the topic that I've heard quite a bit about that I want to check out: Organic Church: Growing Faith Where Life Happens by Neil Cole. Then there's always a favorite book of mine, No Perfect People Allowed: creating a Come As You Are culture in the church by John Burke, which describes how Gateway Community Church came about in the Austin, TX area and began building bridges to cross the cultural divide between church and life in a "postmodern" world. Now think about the terms that have also floated around about liquid or fluid church, wherein the idea is that church flows out and fills into new spaces that it couldn't get to as a "solid" church -- it's flexible. Then there's the house church movement, which at times can look exactly like a mainstream church in form and function, but located outside a stereotypical church building, typically in someone's house (or rotating amongst the homes of the community members). Lastly, I suppose I reflected on how youth groups and college groups typically interact within existing church communities, and I asked myself the questions: "Why is it that in most churches only the teenagers and college students have organized activities beyond Bible studies and devotionals? Why are the youth the only ones who gather on a regular basis outside the walls of the church building for friendship building activities?"

Those are some of the church related ideas that lead me to believe that ReGroup is a form of church, albeit a very different form. After all, I doubt very much that ReGroup will ever have anything that resembles a worship service, at least in the traditional sense of the term. Then again, nothing says ReGroup couldn't have a dedicated time of semi-traditional worship, if that's something a ReGroup community had the gifts, resources, and desire to do. However, the principle that I think drives ReGroup is the understanding that you are gathering together in order to share and express your faith, while helping each other live out the Way and the Life that Christ's message painted for us.

Cheers! And thanks for reading...

all about books

2006-10-06T09:08:00.000-04:00

I was "tagged" to answer these questions, and so without any ado, here they are with my answers...

A book that changed my life: I would have to say, that in recent memory a book that has changed my life would be A New Kind of Christian by Brian McLaren. The main reason is because in reading it, I saw a reflection of some of my own struggles with questions for which I didn't know the answers or had developed unconventional answers. After reading that book, I began my current book binge that includes a much healthier mix of NY Times best-sellers, Star Wars novels, and new Christian authors.

A book I’ve read more than once: Surprisingly, there are very few books that I've read more than once, primarily because I have a fairly decent memory for a book's major plot line once I've read it. After that the reading becomes a refresher course in the details. However, I have read I, Jedi by Michael A. Stackpole a couple of times, and I'm about halfway through A Generous Orthodoxy by Brian McLaren for the second reading.

A book I would take with me if I were stuck on a desert island: As a nod to a comedian I once heard, Ardal O'Hanlon; "She asked me for two books I'd take with me to a desert island, and I didn't like the threat implied in the question. I said that the first would be a big, inflatable book, and the second would be How to make oars out of sand." Honestly though, I think I would hope that before becoming stranded on a desert island that I had in my possession a copy of either The Lord of the Rings, or the original Star Wars trilogy (both of which are available with the entire trilogy in a single volume).

A book that made me laugh: I know I've read a couple, but I can't remember which ones, but basically any Dave Barry book is hilarious. I also love his articles at the Miami Herald.

A book that I wish had been written: "Facing the Truth: Realizing you can't be right about everything all the time and learning that this is okay"

A book that I wish had never been written: Honestly, I can't think of a book that I disliked enough to wish its existence undone. I try to only read books that I feel will be a good read, or that friends have recommended. Although I will say, The Fingerprint of God by Hugh Ross nearly put me to sleep and Hard Times by Charles Dickens DID put me to sleep. I wouldn't necessarily wish they never were written though.

A book I’ve been meaning to read: I actually have a few on my site here already, but I will add here Velvet Elvis: Repainting the Christian Faith by Rob Bell. I've heard a lot of good things about it, and I now have a copy of it (thanks Allen!). I just need to find time to read it.

I’m currently reading: I'm still reading Emerging Churches (by Gibbs & Bolger), and I am about to start The Dante Club by Matthew Pearl. I also have A Generous Orthodoxy by Brian McLaren, which when I am in-between books I pick up and continue reading my way through for a second time. While I could also start up Velvet Elvis, I'm going to wait until I finish Emerging Churches... and I am getting a craving for a good Star Wars series, which I have not been reading lately – I think picking up where I left off in the New Jedi Order series is probably in order.

I’m Tagging the Following Bloggers to answer these questions:
Anyone who reads my blog and feels like answering the questions.

I'm not big on chain mail or chain email forwards, I always "break" them. Why should I be any different with this chain blog topic? So feel free to take these questions back to your own blog to answer or if you don't have a blog and want to respond, leave your answers in a comment. If you do answer them at your blog, please drop me a comment letting me know; I'd love to read what books influence you.

post-lectureship reflection

2006-09-27T20:09:00.000-04:00

So I've been back from Lectureship for about a week now, and a post about the experience is probably long overdue. So here's a brief one... I hope.

First, I have to say that my expectations going into the whole Lectureship thing were relatively low. This isn't because I have some low level of respect for it or anything, it's more because I attended a couple out of requirement while in college so I knew the basics of what went on and I didn't expect anything to be different. So with that as a primer, my expectations were blown out of the water - in multiple ways.

I heard most of the evening keynote speakers, and they were awesome. There was a huge narrative aspect to the speeches they gave, which rather than making the experience feel like a lecture or a political speech gave the presentations a more personalized and involved feel. Plus, it didn't hurt that most of what I heard was a cage-rattling, table overturning rhetoric that was calling for people to wake up and smell the change in the air before it's too late. It really made me feel like what I was there to present fit into the subtle yet over-arching theme I discerned.

Speaking of why I was there; Paul and I both agreed, our sessions were a smashing success if we do say so ourselves. Our student panelists (Jordan Swim and Jordan Wesley) added so much valuable insight from their unique experiences, and most of the topics we brought up were met with what I can only describe as a warm and welcoming attitude. Each day was success in my mind, because each day we touched someone in the audience on an emotional level with the stories and ideas that we shared. However, the first day we might have struck a few tender nerves by touching on the inter-generational communication gap and Catholicism; neither of which was part of the original plan, but it seemed the Spirit moved us that direction. This turned out to be a good thing in the end though, as it levelset a few things and provided a model of how we intended the sessions to be considered a safe environment for discussion and sharing.

I am a firm believer in God sending people places, in a seemingly innocuous manner, so they might touch certain people's lives. I experienced it in college, I've experienced it in travels, and I've experienced it at Lectureship. While some might think that I would say I was sent to Lectureship to share my story and help others, I would say I was brought to Lectureship to share my story so that others could help me. Sharing some of myself and my aspirations for ReGroup was a liberating experience because of the outpouring of positive comments that I received, which makes me even more excited and driven to make sure it gets off the ground successfully. I am still planning and working out the many ideas that are swirling around in my mind, but things are firming up little by little and I hope to have the group up and in full swing before Christmas.

For any new visitors from Lectureship, welcome and thank you for stopping by. If you attended our sessions, Paul and I thank you for your time, attention and valuable discussions. And for those that offered your blessings and comments on ReGroup - especially Kathy, Allen, and Ray - I thank you.

more on groups

2006-09-15T16:28:00.000-04:00

So I know that I've been tagged to whip up a list of influential books in my life, but I've got to get this out of my head and into print before I forget it. So bear with me, the books will come next week sometime.

So my last post fleshed out this concept of a spiritual support and healing group, sort of like a Casa Blanca of the church world. However, I got to thinking that the scope could be even broader than my initial thoughts on the subject, primarily because the entire concept is very flexible. I was referred to a series of multimedia articles that follows recent college graduates trying to find their way in the world, and shortly after that I read a blog post about how 75% of teenagers active in church will abandon church in their 20's. The combination of the two got me thinking about how spiritual formation in teenagers tends to lack a reality check about what life is like after high school and college as a Christian. It's a wonder the rate of disillusionment isn't higher... We give them what to believe, but the why is a pointer to scripture with no current day contextual equivalent. Most likely those who make their way back after abandoning church, do so because they grappled with the questions they couldn't answer at first and found a peace. It may sound dangerous, but I think teens need to wrestle with the hard questions... even if they do trip up along the way, at least this way they have a support structure around them to help them back on their feet when they are ready.

For those who are already beyond their teen years and leaving college, ReGroup would serve them as well. It could serve as a landing place for graduates, a place to take a breather and get oriented. Hitting the real world after college can feel a bit like having been shot from a cannon, dusting yourself off and figuring out where you are without a map or a sign.

Just another in a litany of possibilities...

Cheers!

On a different note -- anyone planning on attending the ACU Lectureship next week, I would encourage you to come hear Paul Clark and myself in our 3:00pm session as we lead "Emerging Conversations with the Next Generation of Christians"... or so that's what the brochure describes it as. Come check it out, it's going to be a great discussion!

the time of regrouping

2006-08-30T09:49:00.000-04:00

Retreat, recover, reevaluate, relearn, refresh, renew, recharge, rebuild, repair, rebound...
ReGroup!

No, I don't have a sudden fetish with words starting with re, but I have had a recent epiphany. I've mentioned in the recent past that I've had this overwhelming feeling that there is something I need to be doing, or something that was coming I needed to be prepared for; I think I found it. It seems that over the past year I've been meeting a slowly increasing number of people who are caught in a state of limbo with regards to church. They've become completely disillusioned, disenfranchised, disgruntled, or just plain dissatisfied with the faith they find themselves with and the church they were raised in. At the moment the demographic is mainly people around my own age, and they are all coming from the same doctrinal church heritage; however, the whole situation got me thinking.

I've come to realize that there seems to be a need, in my area at least, for a group where people can fall back when they feel their faith losing step with the local church they belong to. Or in another situation, a place to run to when their faith is fine, but they have been hurt by their local church and need a place to figure out what to do now. A meta-church so to speak; a group of people committed to each other for the purpose of spiritual formation, growth, learning, encouragement, conversation, fun, and healing outside the walls of the available church communities. Your denominational affiliation wouldn't matter, it would be a spiritual melting pot where ideas are shared, good news rejoiced, and pains comforted. There wouldn't be a building, because people would be free to remain or become active members of other communities of faith, but for those uncomfortable in traditional churches we would be their spiritual family (like a house church). Money wouldn't be a focus, since as each is able to contribute, they can do so; whether that contribution is providing a meal, opening their home, paying for an outing, helping out a friend in a financial bind, or organizing a charity fundraiser. Also, leadership isn't really an issue since all it takes are a few people with the strength to start it, the courage to share their stories, and the patience and understanding to listen to others; after that, the group kind of runs itself so long as someone is willing to schedule a time and start the conversation for the evening, where it goes from there is determined by group dynamics of that evening.

The more I think about it, the less nervous and more excited about it I get. In my mind, the possibilities are endless; what could begin as a Bible study, could change to a movie night, group excursion, coffee conversation, weekly meal, or anything you can think of. It's not church, but at the same time, it is church - a different kind of church. It provides a safety net for people falling out of today's churches, where previously no net existed. And it is your choice whether to stay in the net and help others who fall, to climb back up to your local church, climb over to a different local church, or jump out of the net and find a different path altogether (of course there is the possibility you could miss/avoid the net in the first place, too). I've got some work to do, some ideas to polish, and some time to wait on, but I plan on going forward with this... it just feels right.

Quick book update - as you can see to the right, I have been reading 3 books at once! Shocking! It appears that you are rubbing off on me, Paul. I finished up Dear Church - Letters from a Disillusioned Generation by Sarah Cunningham rather quickly, and I must say there were many parts that felt like a mirror to my own thoughts at times. It's an excellent book for those who don't prescribe to the status quo, and leaders who want to understand them. When it comes to Emerging Churches, sometimes its hard to find time to sit down with it, because the book has so many good things in it I don't want to miss it because I was distracted while reading. As I've said, I have to keep my pen handy with that one. Those two books probably have been fueling my alternative approach to church ideas, and have also given me the confidence that I could start formulating a plan of action to meet this need I see. Lastly, on a less academic level I suppose, I have been reading Joshua and The City. So far, I would say that it's not as good as the original Joshua, but it is still entertaining to read - with a little bit of insight thrown in from time to time.

You keep reading... I'll keep writing... perhaps more so now that I have this idea I need to flesh out somewhere.

Cheers!

working and testing

2006-08-22T12:03:00.000-04:00

It has been nice to finally have made it through the longest part of my summer of work, and now I get a reprieve from travel and special assignments for a little while. Next year is a whole other animal that has not been let out of the cage yet. In the meantime, I've been catching up on some normal everyday work, preparing for some up and coming new work, and trying to get myself back into a more spiritually focused frame of mind. The latter bit of that is the difficult part, since I've been so focused in other areas of life; mainly work and family.

Spiritually, I have a lot to accomplish in a fairly short amount of time. It is just a few short weeks until I throw myself before a vast gathering of Christians for a few days of classes, discussions, and probably networking. This will be the first time I've been speaking in front of any kind of audience in quite some time, and it will be the first time ever that I've spoken publicly in front of spiritual peers. I'll most likely handle myself well (with help from my co-presenter), but it seems a bit daunting at the moment. There are some other non-speaking spiritual goals I also have on my plate, those ones of a personal nature; God and me stuff. Those might take longer, He just doesn't seem to feel the need to explain this deep-seated and completely unrecognizable desire that is within me lately. If I could put words to it, I might be able to figure out what it is I need to do. So far, all I know is that I think I am heading the right direction, but as I've said before, I have no idea what direction that is or where it leads. It feels a bit like paddling a canoe at night, when the moon is not out, clouds block the stars from view, there are no lights along the shore that you can see, and you have no light of your own. You have nothing but your hearing and intuition to guide you...

Also, I kind of coerced this post out of myself. I did this partially just to write something and keep the blog alive, but I also did it because I am testing out Writely. I had heard about it before Google bought them up and closed down the registration while they migrated/upgraded things, and now that registration is open again I wanted to check out how it all worked. It is a great online, collaborative document creation tool, plus it also handles publishing documents to a few different formats - one of which is to a blog. So far, I like it, but the integration with my blog isn't optimal. The fonts are different sizes and the titling doesn't seem to take. I might use it for drafts or something.

Cheers!

impending change

2006-08-10T13:32:00.000-04:00

I weep for the inevitable restrictions in personal liberties and increase in travel hindrances around the world as a result of terrorist actions... despite world leaders stating that: changing our way of life, means the terrorists have succeeded.

I really wish that some intelligent people would step forward and find the real solution for making travel safer, without making travel more and more difficult and inconvenient. Or maybe I just want the world on a plate because I believe that safety and security should not automatically mean I have to give up convenience and comfort.

</rant>

be still for patience prevails

2006-08-08T22:16:00.000-04:00

Sometimes I struggle with it, sometimes I wrestle with, and sometimes I give in to it...

The pleas of Job... (Job 6:11-13)

What strength do I have, that I should still hope?
What prospects, that I should be patient?

Do I have the strength of stone?
Is my flesh bronze?

Do I have any power to help myself,
now that success has been driven from me?

The laments of David... (Psalm 40:1,11-13)

I waited patiently for the LORD;
he turned to me and heard my cry.

[...]

Do not withhold your mercy from me, O LORD;
may your love and your truth always protect me.

For troubles without number surround me;
my sins have overtaken me, and I cannot see.
They are more than the hairs of my head,
and my heart fails within me.

Be pleased, O LORD, to save me;
O LORD, come quickly to help me.

The words of Jesus... (Matthew 6:25-34)

Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?

And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

My take...
Have patience; be still, and do not let your worries keep you down. You are not alone in your struggles, there is always One who is by your side. You only need to slow down and take stock of where you are and where you need to be...

Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;

but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.

Isaiah 40:30-31

preaching reviewed

2006-08-04T09:03:00.000-04:00

Found an interesting article at the ooze this morning. It's a review of Doug Pagitt's Preaching Re-Imagined. Granted, the book was published last September, so the review could seem a bit late in coming. However, since I've not read the book, have not heard a lot about it, but have been attempting to rethink various aspects of church community life, the review was very interesting to read. I might have to pick up the book one of these days. That or recommend it to a few friends of mine...

Preaching Re-Imagined: A Review - Mark Shivers

Enjoy!

on a grail quest

2006-08-02T21:25:00.000-04:00

In an attempt to toss something out here that I have been thinking about, please accept this rather rough and poetically formed spiritual thought of the day. It is something that correlates a bit with the whole Da Vinci Code hoopla, primarily because the book/movie brought the whole mystery of the grail back into the limelight.

Enjoy!

Grail Quest.
I'm on a grail quest; to places unknown I go, in search of the mystery that awaits me.
To find the cup that Christ used, in which he gave his blood, my salvation will be found.

San Greal, Holy Grail.
O sacred chalice, O revered vessel, in ages past you were lost.
Many have tried, many have failed, but one day my struggles will bear fruit.

Sang Real, Royal Blood.
The cup, it was an idol; your blood was the real treasure.
You came to establish your kingdom; not one built on power, but one built on love.

Sacrificial Blood.
Many rejected your kingdom, they refused to hear the truth.
You placed yourself on the altar, you walked right into their grasp, and you did it for love.

Saving Blood.
Your sacrifice was the plan, it was the way to save us all.
We can't seem to fix our problems, but with you everything seems to work out in the end.

Saving Grace.
We try to earn your love, and we attempt to work our way into your good graces.
Try as we might, we will always fall short, but your love comes with no price.

Grace Quest.
Your grace is free to all, your teachings and actions model a better way of life.
I've given up on the grail, it's a fruitless search. I'm on a grace quest.
Everyone who seeks, will find.

to be completely fair

2006-07-26T09:09:00.000-04:00

Just to provide a fair and balanced perspective, and so those reading don't think that I would completely bash and discard current forms of church community, I point you over to Mike Lewis's blog -- which has a very timely and relevant article today.

Let Us Not Completely Abandon...

Enjoy!

disconnected drifting

2006-07-25T22:11:00.000-04:00

For someone who typically is connected all the time via technology (within limits), sometimes I start to feel... disconnected. Not disconnected in the positive sense, as in unplugging from everything for a while to keep myself focused, but as in feeling like I am isolated. I suppose in this case, it sort of works out for the better since my current mode of inspiration and spiritual exploration has been coming in waves; a crest here (lots of thoughts), a trough there (nothing at all). With not a whole lot of cohesive material to put together, my disconnected feeling is forcing me to try and wade through the randomly scattered bits of information and discern some kind of pattern.

Part of my mental drifting lately has been influenced by the currents of thought coming from Emerging Churches (see author info at left). Some of the experiences, stories, and testimonials in the book are really forcing me to stop, reflect, and re-think everything about what it means to be and do church. I know I've talked about it in the past, at times with some strange ideas, but some of what is actually going on out in the wider world (beyond the U.S.) is pushing the envelope further and bringing the focus back to where I had been leaning -- however, I think I had often failed to fully understand the possibilities of just what it was I thinking. For instance...

I've said before that I really don't like the term church, not because its a bad term, but because it is so tied up with the historical context it has been rooted in for the past millennia. So many people equate church with a building, even if they know that the church isn't the building. I've said, and many people know, that the church is the community of people committed to God's kingdom and Jesus's teachings. However, I think even that can get muddled up, because some people while attempting to avoid equating church with the building, end up subconsciously equating church with worship service (whether that is Sunday, Tuesday, Wednesday.. whatever). While that is a good step, eliminating the focus on the building and shifting it back to the people, it still misses the point -- worship service isn't the church either (well not the only component anyway). Church; ekklesia; the calling together of people; congregation; assembly; a gathered community...

For where two or three are gathered together in My name, there I am with them.

Wherever I am in the future, should I be asked where I go to church - my answer is:
Here.
If ever I am asked, what kind of people are at my church - my response:
At the moment, they are just like you and me.
And if someone were to ask me what worship looks like at my church - I would reply:
Frequently, it looks a lot like what we're doing right now.

Church - it doesn't always need a building, or a schedule, or a formal leader (other than Him), or chairs, or scripture readings, or songs - it needs people, a love of God, and a desire to be in community.

Cheers!

(So I guess I wrote my way out of my drifting and into something that actually makes sense, I think.)

personal perspective

2006-07-16T23:07:00.000-04:00

Ever feel like this is where you are in life, the view from where you stand?

Photo by: Me!
Location: Notre Dame de Paris
Date: 06 July 2006

of experiencing faith in new places

2006-07-16T10:40:00.000-04:00

I'm not Anglican, Catholic, Druidic or Celtic, and yet in places that are traditionally thought of as homes to these vast arrays of faith I found peace, awe, and spiritual stillness. There is just something humbling and uplifting about entering a beautifully architected grand cathedral or a simplistic and quiet sanctuary. Aside from the ability to work on technology I love and travel to interesting events, the ability to take time abroad has to be one of the major upsides to my job. Just recently Claire and I spent some time in London and Paris, and while we probably saw way too much to actually share in this entry, there were some spiritual high points that I really want to share.

Temple Church

Yes, I know it seems very Da Vinci Code to have visited Temple Church, but honestly there is something about this somewhat hard to find, unique building. The first thing that you will notice that is very different from other cathedrals in London, is that while a fair number of people will visit it to take pictures and do the tourist thing (like us), it remains quiet, still, and peaceful. I found that while there were those of us who took pictures, no one spoke above a slight whisper, no one crowded around and it felt calming to be there. Now granted, we did visit on a weekday afternoon, which I suppose would be my tip to anyone going to visit it, but overall I highly recommend going to see it just to balance out any other larger cathedral visits. We did visit Saint Paul's Cathedral in London, and while it is quite the awesome architectural masterpiece with beautiful architecture and stonework, it was neat to see something on a more moderate scale with older architecture. Obviously the picture above is not the typical picture you might see of Temple Church, with its life-size stone effigies of the interred knights, but like many things there is more too it if you can get beyond the outer appearance and stereotypes.

Stonehenge

An ancient, pagan rock formation of which we hardly know the true purpose or meaning behind its construction! Surely, I must be nutty if I found spiritual nourishment here right?!?! Wrong. I love the outdoors, I love nature, and I love beautiful things. Aside from the backroad highway that runs by Stonehenge, there is nothing but rolling hills, pastures, and trees in the region that surrounds this ancient and mysterious location. Like many historical places in Europe, there was an audio-guide that we received to inform us what is known about the site, its construction, and some possible uses for it. However, I let Claire handle the guided part and fill me in later because I was drawn in by everything that was around me and before me. The design and overall appearance might not compare at all to the cathedrals and castles that we saw, but the achievement and basic meaning is no less significant. Someone gathered together people to build something massive and more important than themselves, and they brought craftsmanship to the job when they did it. You see this is more than just a pile of big rocks sticking out of the ground, they are planned out and engineered. One side of the stones has been worked on until it is nearly flat, while the other is left rough; the entire setup is designed in a series of concentric circles with a pathway that leads from the north into the center. The top stones are not just laid to rest on the upright stones holding them aloft, they are engineered in place using notched tongue and groove interlocking; and the most well-known aspect is that being at Stonehenge during the summer/winter solstice and vernal/autumnal equinox during sunrise shows its alignment with the Earth's movements. Say what you will about why it was built, but go there and experience it before you discard its significance.

Saint Sulpice

Again, I know it is another Da Vinci Code reference, but you know what - the church was here before the book, so let it go. On a positive note, it seems the interest generated in the church by the book could possibly be fueling a renovation effort on this beautiful cathedral (as we learned, this was what happened with Notre Dame de Paris after Victor Hugo's The Hunchback of Notre Dame became enormously popular). While it might not have the soaring flying buttresses and massive rose windows, Saint Sulpice is beautiful and intriguing. While we did take time to check out the roseline and the scientific information about how the sun at noon slowly works its way across the church through the year (the gnomon), you could easily overlook that aspect if you were not looking for it. There is a whole lot more to see, such as the gorgeous and sacred Maria chapel that resides behind the high altar in the apse, and as most cathedrals have - intricate stained glass windows. Since we again visited on a weekday, there were not a lot of people there and those who were present took seriously the signs requesting that people observe a respectful silence since it is a place of worship and spiritual solace. In retrospect, I wish I had taken a few moments to kneel in prayer as I felt the urge to do so, but being in tourist mode I opted not to. I say in retrospect because the next day we visited Notre Dame de Paris, and I felt absolutely nothing while there. Sure, it is a great example of Gothic architecture, has beautiful stained glass rose windows, and an intricately decorated high altar... but the crowds, oh the crowds! It was as if you were in a massive river of people, all slowly flowing around the cathedral in a predetermined route, each group with their designated photographers jockeying for position to capture a poorly lit and out of focus memory. There were memorable places and interesting things to photograph, but the possibility that existed in Notre Dame for spiritual nourishment was suffocated by the throngs of people who felt the need to talk constantly while they explored, resulting in a physical river of people that created a constant, loud murmur throughout. I would love to go back again to visit both cathedrals, after Saint Sulpice has had a chance to finish up some restoration and so I could visit Notre Dame earlier in the day (it was a weekday that we went) to see if perhaps it would be quieter and more peaceful.

I suppose my experiences all come down to the idea that I prefer tranquil spaces for spiritual reflection. I do enjoy more lively environments from time to time, but not usually when I am looking to sit down and ponder the meaning for my existence, God's artistic creation, and the best way to put my talents to use for the Kingdom.

Cheers!

eye of the storm

2006-07-08T16:50:00.000-04:00

A bit on the melodramatic side as far as titles go, but for this time in my life a rather appropriate one. For my valued readers, an apology for the lack of content recently, I have been otherwise disposed as of late -- I've been busy. In the current, if fleetingly, moment of calm let me throw out some quick updates.

I finally started reading Emerging Churches, and all I can say so far is wow! Normally I burn through the pages of good book at a blistering rate, but this is the first book in a while that I've slowed down intentionally and have read it with pen in hand. That's right, I'm writing and notating and highlighting in a book -- something I haven't done since college. And there are stretches where I could swear I have been marking something on every page. To date, I have only read through the first 4 chapters but they are packed full of interesting material. I'll write more about it later on, either after I get through more of the book or after I finish it.

As for the reason I have been slack on the blog, the past 4 weeks I have been out of the country. I spent 2 weeks in London working on some pre-tournament setup work for Wimbledon (website stuff). After that the wife flew over the pond and we spent 5 days touring around London (including Windsor Castle and Stonehenge) and then another 5 days in Paris. We had a fabulous time, and there are some parts of the trip that I will be blogging about later as there were some really interesting spiritual things that I experienced. However, the vacation has ended and very soon work will be spinning up rapidly with another grand adventure -- the jointly authored technical book!

Cheers!

pharisees revisited

2006-06-22T06:09:00.000-04:00

Something a bit more spiritual in nature, I absolutely loved this current day re-telling of scripture that Wade Hodges whipped up. I think he captured in much fewer words, something I was trying to say in my previous article about modern day pharisees. Definitely check it out and read the comments...

A Retelling of an Old Story

Enjoy!

i'm not a parent but

2006-06-22T05:24:00.000-04:00

Something about this article just trips my "common sense" alarm.

TV's can kill, study says

I don't mean to be crass and uncaring about children, as one day I plan on having some myself, but I think there are better things to be doing than adding more idiot-proofing to consumer products. One would think that the concept of children climbing on or around a television should set off a parenting alarm in most people. Rule #1: TV's are not furniture, as such don't sit on them, climb on them or otherwise attempt to misuse them. Rule #2: Most TV's are heavy, and thus should be afforded some level of caution when moving or in the "I might bump it" proximity of one. While I think it is tragic that children are being hurt from unstable TV's, but I wholeheartedly ascribe to the real life experience learning method. This method follows this logic: there is nothing dangerous to children in keeping a large, heavy TV on a wobbly or unstable piece of furniture -- when you tell them not to touch the TV they should understand its for their own benefit. If they so choose to pull the TV on top of them a few times... they'll learn not to do that. This also applies to hot stoves, electrical outlets, and pets.

Of course you should know, that yes I am being snarky and perhaps sarcastic, I would never leave dangerous objects or anything lying about for children to be hurt by. However, the concept of parental supervision and discipline is something I think is falling by the wayside in the U.S. I mean seriously, we should strap down our televisions because they are heavy and often weighted towards the front?!?! I swear, if this grows beyond the current level of media coverage to the point of legislative lobbying for regulation I will go insane. Some days I truly believe that we are dumbing down society in America... I might need to put a big, flashy, unavoidable warning label on this blog so people who don't want to examine some of the more philosophical and spiritual aspects of their life aren't harmed by reading the material it contains.

Thus endeth the rant....
Cheers!

intriguing world of video and marketing

2006-06-09T13:42:00.000-04:00

I came across some interesting things today that I decided I needed to take the time to share, and share my thoughts. So without any further ado...

Healing, Sick and Dying Churches
"Perhaps local churches aren't meant to last forever, but the universal Church is, and so it will continue growing in some way."
I really like this article for the main reason that it highlights the facts that:

church growth does NOT correlate directly to church health.
church decline does NOT always have to be a negative experience.

A New Law
A rather poignant music video by Derek Webb, thanks to Matt Ritchie for the link. At first I thought that the main thrust was "a new law" from a political point of view, meaning the tug of war between Republican and Democratic influence on our nation's laws; some of which remove our need to think and see for ourselves. However, as I continued watching I started to see another aspect -- a new Law, as in give me a new set of guidelines in the tradition of The Law and Prophets, that I can follow blindly without having to think about how my faith can truly be an impact (good or bad) for my life and those around me.

Dance Monkey, Dance!
An eye opening look at humanity, link courtesy of Rev Dan of Outchurched. Warning, the content of this video could be offensive to some viewers. Not offensive because of language, explicit content, or other stereotypical content that gets labeled as questionable, but rather this could be offensive because it smacks you in the face with ideas you may find uncomfortable. It is not funny, it is not scary, and it is not inspirational; it is, however, insightful...

Enjoy!

scattered, frazzled, but sane

2006-06-07T09:12:00.000-04:00

It seems my penchant for blogging drags when it rains, and blogging drought during continuous rainfall if you will. However, things have been complicated lately by the comings and goings of work and life. So to be fair to those who stop by to see what controversial, enlightening, or just plain stupid things I write, I thought it was time for at least an update of what I've been up to and what I will be up to in the coming months.

To get the boring stuff out of the way (for some not all), I have had a ton of opportunity and good fortune fall my way at work lately. Aside from the obvious "love my job, happy to blessed with employment and excellent management" type of stuff, I've also been selected for some interesting career opportunities. Essentially, for 5 weeks in July/August I will be up to my ears in techie goodness as I work with a few other people from around the world to research and write a technical book. I won't pretend that many of you will understand what the book entails, but for me it is a great opportunity to share my knowledge of best practices for a product I've used for 5 years and also learn about the latest and greatest version that we are writing about. So I'll won't just be a techie, I'll be a published techie and contributing to some of the same series of books that I learned from early in my career. So combine that with some vacation and I will possibly be somewhat silent in the next few months on the blog front -- not necessarily being still but more like being busy.

To something a bit more fun, Sunday I had the chance to swing by Boston and check out Jo Henley. They were awesome, and while they list their musical influences on their site, I found I had my own take based upon my musical tastes. To my ear, I heard influences from Johnny Cash, Dave Matthews, Live, James Taylor, Jack Johnson, and maybe some Jars of Clay. Basically, they have a really sweet sound that rolls along smoothly, and yet still jolts with you the energy that they produce. The music is an awesome blend of rock, country, folk, and alternative styles that just hits home -- and this coming from a guy who grew up listening to grunge, hard rock, alternative and avoiding country like the plague, I guess time changes tastes. You can listen to some of their music either by downloading from johenley.com or listening with the built-in player on their mySpace site. However, as it is most times, they put on an awesome live show -- and in this case the recorded stuff they have at the moment doesn't include their full band. And in case you are wondering why I would throw this in my blog -- the lead singer is my cousin-in-law (wife's cousin's husband), this was the first time I ever heard him really play, and I was totally blown away. So if you are in the Boston area, or will be, and want some good live tunes -- check out Jo Henley at one of their gigs.

For the spiritual side of things, I've officially kicked off work with my friend Paul on our material we'll be presenting at the ACU Lectureship in September. I think we're slotted under the "Missional Leadership" category, though that's not quite what we'll be discussing. I think it would be a little more accurate to describe it as "how to live as a missional church". Some of the material will perhaps ruffle some feathers, but then again to water down what we want to say would be inauthentic -- and I am not about to put myself in front of a large group of people so I can present material I don't truly believe in. Also, the work on my own material has been slow going, mostly because its tough to find time to dedicate to it. It's a good thing I chose not to post it in a blog series, since I'd be way behind if I had. Maybe by the end of the summer I'll have enough to decide what to do with it. Prayers on both these fronts would be appreciated; while it's not exactly the direction I thought I'd be headed in my spiritual life, so far it seems to be working and feels right.

So basically, I'll try to get some controversial, inspired, or lame spiritual thoughts up when I can, just don't expect a regular flow of posts for a little while. Cheers!

on a lighter note

2006-05-26T09:40:00.000-04:00

I've been saying this for years! Too bad I'm not some biological scientist-type that could have published the idea with some kind of authoritative supporting material.

Which came first, the chicken or the egg? The egg!

Oh well, at least I can say a philosophical, evolutionary geneticist agrees with me...
;)

Enjoy your Memorial Day weekend! May the weather be agreeable, memories be shared with family, and those that served the world in an effort to maintain peace and prevent oppression be honored.

modern day pharisees

2006-05-25T16:04:00.000-04:00

As a quick disclaimer, those who read regularly will probably know this already, but I pull no punches in this post. Read at your own risk, and possible discomfort.

Philosopher, poet, and critic, George Santayana, once wrote, "Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it." It is a saying that has become cliche, often repeated (or misstated) and often glazed over. Sadly, today we could re-work that saying to perhaps be stated as, those who obsess on the past are blinded to the parallels that can be drawn with the present. By thoroughly understanding something in its true historical context, we can often inadvertently place it solely in the past and avoid confronting similar circumstances in our own lives. Let's think about this for a moment.

Have Christians come full circle? Are many of us now the modern incarnation of the Pharisees? What about Zealots? Or Herodians and Sadducees?

Don't be too hasty in forming your answer, think about it, a casual dismissal of the idea could be just as telling. Let's look at the Pharisees first: highly righteous, adhered to strict laws of purity, abhorred sinners and would not associate with sinners except to publicly show their benevolence, and they believed that God would send the Messiah only once everyone stopped sinning. How different is that from people today? Of any group out there, who are most often labeled as having "holier than thou" attitudes? Why exactly is it that some people feel that people seeking faith have to check their sins and worldly ways at the door of the church, often before even being baptized?

You want to know how I could possibly think Zealots relate to today? How popular is that Left Behind book series, and what are they about? Oh, yeah something about Jesus coming back to resurrect the faithful, judge and persecute the unfaithful, establish an earthly kingdom, and lead a final battle to defeat evil. Sound like the Zealots to you, with their hope for a violent overthrowing of their enemies and establishment of a righteous political entity?

Herodians and Sadducees should be fairly obvious by now, right? Let's see, Herodians and Sadducees were both collaborators with the Roman occupiers, essentially playing nice with the powers that be in order to gain influence to maintain their status quo. The Sadducees went even a few steps further and were even more elitist and righteous than the Pharisees, as they rejected many of the newer teachings of the day (resurrection, afterlife, spirits, etc). To me, that smacks of the stereotypical fundamental/conservative/right-wing Christian political lobbyist groups that are in the news more and more frequently.

I told you I wasn't going to pull any punches here, and it's not because I think I am somehow better than anyone else. I'd be the first in line to pronounce that I am not perfect, I don't have all the answers, and I struggle with sin and Jesus' way of life. However, I find it troubling to think that we have come so far, only to find ourselves right back where we started. I often wonder if Jesus were to come back again today, would he try to come to the various Christian groups first, only to find our reaction to him reminiscent of how the Jews responded two thousand years ago? Makes you wonder...

secrets of joy and despair

2006-05-15T15:18:00.000-04:00

After what seemed like an interminably long wait (but I was probably more impatient than anything), I received my replacement copy of Brian McLaren's The Secret Message of Jesus. I debated about going back and re-reading the entire book, but I chose instead to back up one chapter to get back into the book. Since I am by no means a professional book reviewer, my review is simple. It is a great book that I would recommend to everyone who wants to get up close and personal with the message that Jesus shared with us. By up close and personal, I mean by examining all the aspects - historical, political, religious, etc - and then seeing how Jesus' teachings in scripture speak to us. As with many of McLaren's previous books, for me this was another page turner that I rarely wanted to put down (but often did so as not to shirk other duties and people). Since I don't read every book out there by Christian authors, and I rarely find myself interested in reading a lot of heavy theology and history, The Secret Message of Jesus offers a satisfying, simple, and short introduction to the meaning of the message and how powerful it truly was when Jesus first delivered it. I say this is an introduction, because quite aptly the final appendix chapter begins with a bit of what I felt when I finished reading the book.

"I hope this book has not satisfied your curiosity about the secret message of Jesus. Instead, I hope it has stoked the flame of your curiosity as never before. I hope, as a result, that you'll want to continue exploring the message and its meaning for your life and for our world."

In other words, this is not an answer book, though it does provide some suggestions for further growth and exploration. I guess this would be the mixed emotion portion for me, often as I read these books, they expose me to different ways that Jesus' message impacts our lives. From this I feel an inner joy and longing, which often leads to a bit of personal despair. The joy comes from knowing and reaffirming my belief in a better way and the God who loves us, but I despair at my feeling of disorientation and confusion -- perhaps best summed up as feeling a bit lost. My head swirls with possibilities, callings, ideas, revelations, connections, desires, and a heavy dose of doubt. Could it be that I am being called to speak, teach, and shepherd? I doubt it; who do I think I am, why should they listen, and to whom would I speak to anyway? There is certainly more to me than blogging, since my ideas span far and wide, but who would be willing to follow them or take a chance on them besides me? Where is the place for someone who is tired of being taught the same thing year after year, but not in a position to teach even if they were not hesitant to do so? Certainly, I could continue to be a one man think-tank, with a limited audience to which his words are broadcast. I could for months on end continue to produce writings that might inspire people, provide food for thought, nourish the spirit, perhaps entertain or merely be tolerated. But what is the point? There is little community in that, there is no advancement of Jesus' revolutionary message, there is barely any living of the revolutionary message in that. I do appreciate those of you who read, and hearing that something I wrote helped someone makes it worthwhile, but isn't there - shouldn't there - be something more?

I stand in a clearing, with a note in my hand. I have been invited to a celebration thrown by the most loving, generous, and gracious host of all, I need only follow the path laid before me to get there -- in fact the invitation has informed me that "the more the merrier". Only there are many paths in front of me, each one different, and I am frozen in place by my inability to find my way. A few have passed me in their comings and goings; they have shared wonderful stories of the celebration and they have offered words of encouragement and advice. But their path is not necessarily my path, so there I stand pondering my situation. There is nothing left to do it seems, but step onto a path and pray I keep my footing along the way...

I have read the message, I have heard the message, but can I live it??

[Note: much of this is a meandering, rhetorical question - a public yet personal prayer if you will.]

mclaren on the code

2006-05-10T14:59:00.000-04:00

Excellent interview over at Sojourners today. They interviewed Brian McLaren to get his thoughts about Dan Brown's The Da Vinci Code, in light of the upcoming movie release.

Check it out -- Brian McLaren on The Da Vinvi Code

sacred space prayer

2006-05-08T09:03:00.000-04:00

This weekend as I quickly reviewed my frequently visited blogs, I saved one in particular for revisiting today (I tend to spend very little time on the computer on weekends when possible). Matt Ritchie posted a link to the Sacred Space website, a prayer site produced by the Irish Jesuits, and mentioned how he found it was a great way to dedicate about 10 minutes to prayer and meditation with God everyday. The simplest and most direct way I can describe it is, it works. And as my more recent deeply spiritual experiences have shown me, it works extremely well. This morning alone, sitting down and going through the guided prayer and meditation helped me find an answer to a question I didn't even ask, gave me a feeling of lightness and refreshment, and probably imparted a bit of what I might call emotional cleansing.

Prayer is powerful, sometimes we forget that and sometimes we forget how much it helps to lean on that power. Check it out -- Sacred Space Prayer for Today

Peace be with you...

open letter from a fan

2006-05-03T08:45:00.000-04:00

For my regular readers, I hope you'll pardon the somewhat out of the ordinary subject. For anyone else new, welcome!

An open letter to Johnny Damon

Johnny,

I watched Monday night's game, which brought about a number of momentous events: the return of Doug Mirabelli to the Red Sox, just in time to catch for Tim Wakefield once again; and your return to Fenway Park, in the uniform of the archrival. These events sparked a polar opposite set of feelings for me, joy at the return of a valuable player, and a bittersweet reminder that a valuable player is truly gone.

I must confess, while I understand the overwhelming majority reaction you did get, baseball being a competitive spectator sport at times, I felt you were given an undeserved hard time. From what I understand in following the off season reports, it's not like you left because you didn't want to be part of the Red Sox anymore. You were the unfortunate casualty of the business of baseball. With the mission to rebuild a championship team based on defense, speed, and long term staying power (i.e. young, fresh players), your desire for a long term contract that reflected your continual contributions to the team didn't fit the mission unfortunately. You continue to be one of the best lead-off hitters in the game, you have the speed to be a threat to steal, and you can cover a lot of ground in center field. However, I can understand from a business side of things the concerns with a long term contract: you are not getting any younger and last season saw you battling shoulder issues.

That being said, I want to thank you. Thank you for hustling every day and giving the Red Sox everything you had on the field. Thank you for your endurance and ability to play through the pain. Thank you for your constant smile and love of the game. You have been one of my favorite players these past few years, and if I actually still collected baseball cards I might even consider adding your 2006 card to the mix. I wish you luck in this season and continued success. However, I hope you understand if that luck and success is only extended when you are NOT playing against the Red Sox, in which case I'd rather you not be a factor in the game. I wouldn't want you to play horribly or be useless at the plate, but I also wouldn't want you to be the one driving in the winning runs - which turns bittersweet to sour.

Thank you Johnny, you are missed.

Sincerely,
A life-long Red Sox fan

how not to be loving

2006-04-30T10:38:00.000-04:00

While the title of this entry might result in a resounding "well duh" as you read it, sometimes stating the obvious can be educational. Since I am still wrestling with a particularly mountainous topic, my ears have been open as always for interesting things to point out to my friendly readers. So without further ado...

First Church of the Ambivalent -- Steve Chastain, StupidChurchPeople.com

There are some things in there that I completely agree with, but overall I think it serves mainly as a great reminder to Christians that we can sometimes be the worst hypocrites out there. Firstly, I don't necessarily condone the consumeristic mentality of church shopping (i.e. looking for a church that perfectly meets your needs for a certain look/feel/theology/etc, thereby making church all about you), but I do believe in finding a community that you fit into well (i.e. you are served well, and your gifts meet the needs of that community as well). However, regardless of that situation, our response when people choose to leave can be soul revealing -- and sometimes it is ugly. As for the leaving the church for a time, I agree whole heartedly, so long as there is a reason and a purpose. What is it that people say, when you start to get depressed/bored in the daily grind, it might be time to break up the routine for a while? Besides, sometimes the most beneficial soul searching is done when we can isolate ourselves for a time.

jason clark - rethinking

2006-04-28T16:05:00.000-04:00

Good stuff on Jason Clark's blog... check it out
Rethinking the Gospel Message

Enjoy!

tired, not dead

2006-04-25T21:42:00.000-04:00

Been a while since I've posted anything of interest, but I wanted to post something. For the moment, I can say that I am anxiously awaiting my replacement copy of Brian McLaren's The Secret Message of Jesus. I say replacement copy because the one I ordered apparently decided to leave out chapters 14-16 in favor of a reprinting of chapters 3-7. But no harm, no foul; a fresh copy should be zipping its way through the mail to my door, passing the one-off copy I mailed back along the way. As a preview to a review I will be doing, let me just say everything I've read so far has been excellent. I may be somewhat of a McLaren fanboy at times, but to be quite frank I've yet to read a book of his that hasn't caused me to stop, think, and re-evaluate my spiritual life and faith in general -- and I mean that in a positive way.

On other fronts, I am exploring brand new territory in my life. I am actively brainstorming material on being a missional church for public co-presentation with a friend in September. And when I say missional think along the lines of emerging, relational, communal, post-postmodern, and active. Strangely enough, I've also been compiling some material on my own on some other topics that I am mulling over -- whether they will become blog content or something else entirely, I don't know yet. All I do know, is that no matter how tired I get from doing my normal, everyday stuff (you know, that career of mine that I enjoy), I always seem to have the energy to churn through these new ideas in my head. Now taking that and putting it down on paper (or digital document as the case may be), that takes a little more effort and a little planning...

the kite runner

2006-04-18T09:47:00.000-04:00

As I've said in the past, when it comes to reviewing books, I'm not the most eloquent. I tend to ramble on or give too much away. However, I think I've come up with a good formula now that I've finished another book.

The Kite Runner -- by Khaled Hosseini

Visceral. Eye-opening. Intriguing. Gripping. Heart-wrenching.
Although each of the previous is descriptive, raw would have to be far and away the single-most fitting adjective I could tag this novel with. There is so much raw emotion bared throughout the story that explaining it any other way is tough. Set initially in Kabul, Afghanistan prior to the Russian invasion, the story introduces you to the culture that existed through the eyes and life of a young boy, Amir. Amir is the son of a wealthy businessman, and his best friend Hassan is their servant's son - a Hazara, a Shi'a Muslim of primarily Mongolian descent, both attributes which marked them as despised minorities. You follow Amir's life, as he encounters bullies, tension with his father, exodus from his home after the Russians have invaded, immigration to California, and eventually returning to visit his home (under Taliban rule) for one last time. This lifelong journey exposes the many internal struggles he deals with, the torturous secret he carries with him, and the self-redemptive awakening he reflects on. I also say the book is raw because Hosseini held nothing back in describing some of the most gruesome events in Amir's life, but he also expresses the sheer joy and lightness that comes from those moments of bliss. The book is real; real as in the ending is not quite happy, but it is not quite sad or tragic either, the book conveys life as we experience it. There is tragedy, victory, emotional scarring, danger, joy, and anything else you could think of; in the end Amir and his family must learn to live with the consequences of it all, both positive and negative. Though, in my estimation, things were beginning to look up for them all... and I closed the book with a hopeful grin.

I recommend checking it out, it's a great book. As for me, on to the next book... Cheers!

cope on homosexuality

2006-04-12T09:33:00.000-04:00

Mike Cope (PreacherMike - Homosexuality) has an excellently written, well thought out and researched post on homosexuality and how we as Christians are in many cases not living out the kingdom when it comes to gays and lesbians. I highly recommend reading it if you haven't already. My wife and I, along with many of our friends, have sought to be loving and accepting of this highly ostracized community -- but as Christians, remembering that our acceptance of their orientation is not an endorsement of sexual behavior that does not honor marriage (Hebrews 13).

Cheers!

what about judas

2006-04-10T08:45:00.000-04:00

It was covered in The New York Times, and was talked about on the Today show -- The Gospel of Judas. A manuscript that has been long sought after, since historically it is mentioned by name and its contents have been hinted at or surmised by scholars, a copy was finally tracked down, analyzed, and translated. Read the article that I linked to above to find out the wandering route this document took in recent history before finally landing in the hands of researchers (NYTimes requires you to register to read it now that its past the initial publishing).

I considered posting about this when I first read the article, but hesitated since I wanted to really grapple with the various perspectives that exist. Obviously, the article and the Today feature focused on the more 'warm-fuzzy' aspects that are revealed -- Judas was told by Jesus in private that he would betray him, Judas recognized that Jesus was God incarnate, and that Judas was told he would exceed the other apostles by sacrificing Jesus. I say those are the warm-fuzzies because some of the rest of the gospel's writings get very strange. There is a translation available for download through the NYTimes article, which I grabbed and read through. There is a portion where the 11 other disciples relate a dream they have, which Jesus interprets as their resistance to his true message and their possible hand in leading people astray. That is followed up by Judas relating his own dream of being stoned by the other 12 (the 11 plus his replacement), and then approaching the realm of God. Jesus interprets this as his persecution by the apostles and future generations, but that eventually he will rightly have his place with God as the 13th and greatest apostle. And if that isn't difficult enough for you to struggle with, the manuscript then takes a turn for the truly difficult. What I can only come up with at the moment is that the manuscript records an account of Jesus showing Judas how Creation takes place from a divine perspective, since it has a lot of angels, aeons, generations, Adam, Eve, and continues with the account right on through to the end of days.

Obviously, that kind of information can seem awfully far-fetched, especially when we've had nearly two millennia of church history that makes no mention of any of this -- partly due to early church leaders considering it and other accounts as heresy, you can read a bit about that here. However, what the manuscript does present is further weight to the idea that Jesus had told Judas about the betrayal before the supper with the rest of the apostles -- see John 13:18-30. It would also explain why Judas was so wrought with grief and guilt that he committed suicide (which is oddly only recorded in Matthew and Acts). While a lot of what the Gospel of Judas presents is something that I will probably grapple with for a long while, I think when you boil it down there is a core truth that should pop out to everyone. Jesus knew that Judas would betray him, and knew that because of this he would be hated by many. However, as he taught and as God shows us, Jesus loved Judas before, during, and after the betrayal -- God loves Judas, and it is not our place to denigrate him for his part in bringing about what Christ knew must occur.

missional pastoring

2006-04-06T08:42:00.000-04:00

Being that I track a plethora of faith-based blogs every morning as part of my "coffee & news" routine, I often find some very interesting articles. While some I am sure many others find just as easily, there are a few that I just have to post as noteworthy because they just click with the way I think.

That said, if you don't already following the Emergent-US blog, you should pop over there from time to time. Tony Jones dropped this excellent article about a pastor friend of his...

Pastor, will you help us? -- Bill Yaccino

Enjoy!

gifts and leadership

2006-03-29T17:10:00.000-05:00

Some people have told me I have a gift for leadership, and they usually follow that up with a comment about my easy-going nature, communication skills, big picture vision, or something along those lines as the reason. I find that very odd, because many times I would rather nominate someone else take point while I stand in the shadows offering advice and assistance from time to time. Don't get me wrong, if I were called to lead something, I would do my best in the role. However, I'd rather it worked out like a military field promotion: picking up the lead role in the midst of a operation because my commanding officer was rendered unconscious, but then relieved of command once the mission is accomplished and everyone is safely back at base camp.

Luckily, in the world that exists in my mind, leadership is not a one-dimensional concept. Leadership does not merely imply possessing skills to be a leader, it also takes the form of mentoring, the ability to influence a group, communicating a vision, acting as a guide, or even taking responsibility to take action. In other words, there are different types and levels of leadership. Stereotypically, a leader fits the mold of our hero archetype: charismatic, visionary, action-oriented, and intelligent. They are the singular leaders who can inspire loyalty and ensure victory be they generals, CEO's, or ministers. However, beneath the glossy veneer of that level of leadership hides another more important layer of leaders, the ones who take on specialized tasks and provide their expertise to those who require it. They are the ones that lead from the margins.

Len Hjalmarson has been writing an excellent series of articles for The Ooze entitled Leading from the Margins, in which a broad spectrum of topics are covered that all revolve around the subtleties, forms, and styles of Christian leadership. I won't pretend that what I am writing directly relates the articles, but I really liked the title and the picture it forms in my mind. To me, leading from the margins implies a form of leadership where your contributions directly affect the overall direction of the group, but the spotlight rarely graces you. It also means focusing your gifts where they are needed and having the courage to step up, making yourself available to the greater community. If you abstract the idea a bit, you can see how this applies to individual leadership, group leadership, community leadership, etc and so on. Whether it is a person lending their experience and skills with web design and Internet culture to local churches (as I hope to do), or a Christian university showing Christ's love to a minority group when other institutions persecute them (Soulforce visits ACU -- check out Equality Ride for accounts of how other universities have treated them), leading from the margins can make a big impact with what seems like very little effort.

Anyway, I would recommend reading the articles if you have time:
[ Leading from the Margins: Part I - II - III - IV - V - VI - VII ]

As always, I would love to hear your thoughts on this topic. Personally, leadership has always been something I've struggled with. I often find myself torn between a deeply felt calling to lead in certain endeavors and subconscious doubts about my ability to succeed. I suppose it is a bit like Moses (Exodus 4:1-17), "I hear what you are asking me to do God, but you aren't listening to me. I don't think I can do this! Surely, you want some one else! I'll help of course, but I'm just not the man for the job!" And probably just like Moses, I know it means relying on God to lead me through it, but sometimes we all are just a little bit stubborn there.

You know what I mean?

version 2.0.1

2006-03-29T08:30:00.000-05:00

Big thanks to Debi, who rightly highlighted the fact that I seem to have forgotten to include the "Post a Comment" link, which made it a bit difficult to ... well, comment on the blog. Problem resolved - thanks again!

visually seeking v2.0

2006-03-26T21:15:00.000-05:00

Welcome to the re-themed, re-skinned seeking existence blog. Took me about a week to get everything just right, but I think I worked out all the kinks. If you find anything that I missed (bugs, funky formatting), or you find that the text is too small, please don't hesitate to leave me a comment and I'll look into it. As I touched on briefly in a previous post, this change was a long time coming since I was trying to change the look of the site so it wouldn't have that cookie cutter feel. For anyone else out there who has had a similar feeling, but doesn't feel comfortable hacking away at the HTML and blogger tags that the templates consist of, I'm more than willing to lend a hand.

Something of a more spiritually reflective nature to come later this week. Cheers!

creative passion

2006-03-20T19:40:00.000-05:00

I don't know about the rest of you, but I am a bit of a tinkerer. Whether it is something I have skills in, like web site design and general computer stuff, or something mechanical that I know next to nothing about, I find a sometimes unquenchable urge to tinker, to build, to create. The urge is never born with an unknown reason, many times it is to learn more about whatever it is I am tearing apart, and often it is to test the limits of my own creative spirit. However, regardless of the motivation I always find a passion in the work that some of my other pursuits might lack, and a fierce drive to complete the task. Sometimes I wonder if that creative spirit many of us have (whatever nature it takes) comes from God's image in which we were formed. Have you ever noticed the sheer joy you feel after putting in the energy, grit, and determination to finish a project? Perhaps it was the tedious fine tuning and balancing of a web site design, editing the last few pages of a manuscript, or fitting the last pieces onto a custom built motorcycle. There is just something about the creative process that feels so fulfilling.

However, that fulfilling emotion is a double-edged sword because one has to ask, are we fulfilled due to our self-congratulatory sense of pride? Are we proud of our work due to some inner need to present an outward show of our skills, perhaps even thinking we can use our work to further God's kingdom? Or are we simply proud at having created - completed an act of creation - regardless of its possible insignificance in the world at large?

Personally, I tend to fall into the two latter camps. I sometimes feel the need to utilize the gifts I have, not at random or for personal gain, but simply to share what I have if possible. However, probably more often I simply enjoy the creative process and the fruits of that labor of love. We are after all created in His image, and don't you think when God sat back and proclaimed all He had made good, 'good' carried with it a vastly more profound level of joy, satisfaction, and love than a simple nod of approval?

And in case you wondered, this all bubbled to the surface as I have been tinkering with a new template to drastically overhaul the look and feel of my blog. I figure its about time I ditched the cookie cutter template I picked from blogger's selection, even if I have moderately hacked it up for my own tastes.

centralized-distributed growth

2006-03-15T09:41:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, I watched a really interesting VideoCast at BloggingChurch.com in which Terry Storch chatted with two guys (Pastor Craig Groeschel and Bobby Gruenewald) from LifeChurch.tv. First, let me just say that it was an interesting experience to compare listening to the interview and watching the interview; there is just something about being visual drawn into a conversation that really communicates just a bit better than audio at times.

However, the meat of what I found interesting was the way that LifeChurch developed over the years. Being in a part of the country where often the answer to growth is to build a bigger building or build a new addition with a bigger auditorium, it was refreshing to hear about a group that broke out of the cycle. Since they couldn't keep up with the numerical growth, they embraced spiritual growth and technology. Rather than construct buildings, they spun off "satellite" groups - find a space, put together a pastoral team, and use technology to keep connected: webcast the Sunday message from the senior pastor, convert the webcasts into audio and video podcasts, use the Internet to embrace a geographically distributed yet connected community and at the same time provide rich, personal content. It was also refreshing to hear a group that was recognizing the impact their Internet presence has had, and continue to march down that road towards providing a true online community experience. Also, the fact that they recognize that even though it may make certain members - including leaders - uncomfortable, the younger generation needs to lead the way in uncharted territory because that's where they need to go with the Message.

I may have entitled this as centralized-distributed growth but I actually think the approach LifeChurch is taking could lead to more of a de-centralized, distributed pattern of growth. A situation where many regions are providing leadership on a global scale, each shepherding a pocket of satellite communities. Essentially, imagine the Catholic church hierarchy, but without the rigid structure and pope (i.e. no individual leader who sets precedent, other than God/Jesus). Each level, from local community to global outlook, would focus on ensuring that information flowed to where it was needed and needs on that level were being met. However, connecting every level to every other level is the communication glue of a centralized set of tools (an internet portal for lack of a better example). That centralized portal provides every person the opportunity to tie into the global community, perhaps read stories from local communities around the world, chat with people from other communities, or even provide feedback and ideas that could help shape the future of global ministry. One Church and one community, yet built upon many, each working towards the same Kingdom goal but in individual ways. And in my utopian view, nothing would prevent this global network of Christians from coming from different backgrounds - Baptist, Methodist, Catholic, Congregational, Lutheran, Evangelical, Church of Christ, Orthodox, etc - except their own choice not to participate.

Well enough vision-casting and theological daydreaming for now (even though I have a really great analogy of a technical nature that I would love to extrapolate on and sketch out, which I'd probably lose a lot of people with)... Cheers!

dinner conversations

2006-03-13T15:03:00.000-05:00

I really can't put my finger on the reason why certain books really resonate with me, though it probably has some relation to a deep seated need for whatever topic they touch on. While not the longest book I've read by any stretch of the imagination, David Gregory's Dinner with a Perfect Stranger: An Invitation Worth Considering is a great read. If you read anything like me, you can devour this spiritually charged novel in less than an afternoon (I believe it took me somewhere around 2 hours or less to burn through the 100 pages it consists of).

As a quick jump over to Amazon can inform you, the book revolves around Nick Cominsky, a workaholic insurance executive who receives an invitation to dinner with Jesus of Nazareth. While he resolves to go under the impression that his colleagues are pulling a joke on him, he instead finds himself face to face with Jesus of Nazareth (looking rather dapper in a business suit), whom patiently entertains all of Nick's attempts to uncover him as a fake or part of a personalized hoax. Once they come to an agreement to suspend disbelief as to whether Jesus is who he claims, the story takes covers a lot of ground. The conversation moves about from grace and redemption, to faith and organized religion, and provides some unique visualizations along the way - including using some Star Trek to make a point.

Personally, I find the interactions in the book quite thought-provoking. Since I have a penchant for free-thinking and spiritual conversation while dining out, I liked the format and the focus on personal relationship that permeated the book. Since I wouldn't count myself as a seasoned book reviewer, all I can really say is that I enjoyed the book and would recommend it to anyone. Again, there is just something that resonates with me in certain books, and often I can't describe the feelings they leave me with... perhaps it's hope.

cope with interpretation

2006-03-07T08:30:00.000-05:00

You'll probably groan at this post's title, but I couldn't resist. Anyway, something I've touched on a few times I think, and grapple with from time to time, was covered quite nicely by Mike Cope today. Check it out, it's a good read...

The B-I-B-L-E

My additional two cents to what Mike said would be that sometimes serious matters require a touch of lightheartedness to keep discussions from getting out of hand. Not that I am saying we should crack jokes while discussing matters of faith, but that we should remember we are all human and at some point we are all going to make mistakes. Our time here is short and I think everyone benefits from focusing on the positives that our faith brings to everyone, rather than the negatives an individual might suffer for their lack of faith.

Enjoy your day!

marker of change

2006-03-02T08:52:00.000-05:00

Last year was the first time I ever attended an Ash Wednesday mass, and since I did enjoy it I went again this year. Mass last year spoke to some common misconceptions and brought people to a place where they would think about spending Lent focused on prayer and community. As one would hope and expect, the beginning of Lent for 2006 had a completely different focus.

Lent itself is a call to faith, and so last night the priest who presided over the mass focused on faith and our need to continually repent. No, not repent as in confess your sins to God, repent as in repentance, conversion, change. When the ashes are placed on your forehead, the person doing so reminds you to "Turn away from sin and be faithful to the Gospel." This simple statement wraps up a wealth of knowledge -- we are reminded that we are people of faith, who by acknowledging our need for Christ's salvation should continually strive to change our ways in an effort to walk the path that Christ laid down for us. Turn away from sin, repent of your ways, convert your life, change the way you think...

While last night I was still uncertain whether ashes were available to a non-Catholic, I felt a need to be a part of it. I prayed my own prayer leading up to the blessing of the ashes, I took stock of my spiritual journey, and I made up my mind to receive ashes. I didn't do this as some outward expression of solidarity with Catholicism, nor did I do it out of some need for tradition and ceremony in my life. I received ashes as an outward, physical expression of my spiritual decision; I received a marker of change. The ashes upon my forehead were the seal on a promise made between myself and God - this year things would be different, starting with Lent I am going to make changes in my spiritual life that I have been putting off.

As it turns out, at least one site I found seems to indicate that there are no requirements for receiving ashes. It is considered sacramental, but not a Holy Day of Obligation, so it is a sacramental that can be offered to non-Catholics and non-Christians. While not something that I consider critical to the experience I went through, it is nice to know that I can "legally" partake in the ceremony. After all, it was something inspiring for me and a worthwhile experience I would recommend to anyone who is open to adding a little more spiritual ritual to their lives.

dealing with change

2006-02-27T21:17:00.000-05:00

Change is an interesting beast to tackle, and tackle it we must since no one can go through life experiencing no change whatsoever. Change is neither good nor bad, right nor wrong; change however is inevitable. How we deal with change in our lives can alter our perceptions about the nature of the change, and that reaction can alter impact it has on our life for the future. For the purposes of today's ramblings, I propose that there are 5 ways which we all deal with change: we run after it; we run away from it; we embrace it; we fear it; or we ignore it.

I like dealing with polar opposites, the ideas are so converse to each other that it hardly seems there could be a link, but there always is. Whether we run away from change or chase after it, in my mind the reasons are the same - comfort. Running away from change is a bold statement about the fact that we would rather everything stay just the way it is, where it is what we are used to and feel most comfortable. Accepting change in that mindset means allowing discomfort into one's life for some amount of time, regardless of the possibly benefits - which of course could hardly outweigh the level of comfort one already has and would be giving up temporarily. Conversely, or inversely if you like, running after change displays an attitude of constant discomfort with the way things are, hoping and knowing that things will be better with that one more level of newness in life. The problem there is the lack of contemplation of one's present situation - how can you know things will be better with X, Y, and Z if you never stopped to evaluate life after you attained A, B, and C?

Of course, we can always choose to ignore change - and no I don't mean ignore and avoid, I mean ignore change whether it happens or not. This is probably the most difficult idea to grasp, that someone could completely ignore a change in their life or fail to grasp that change could have happened and didn't. I guess this would qualify as a sort of generic apathy about life. Obviously, this sounds horrid since essentially obliviousness to life's changes would seem to rob one of even the simplest pleasure. Imagine if you will, that day you first tasted what is now your favorite food or beverage. Would your life have been as enriched by your new-found flavor if at that moment you have thought, "Eh, it's food, it's different... whatever?" It's a tough thought line to follow, probably because our lives are punctuated by recognition of the various degrees of change we experience.

Another set of reactions on opposite poles would be fear and embrace. They are not far removed from my previous description of running after or away from change, but the reaction is not as severe. One could consider it more of a moderate optimism versus moderate pessimism. On one hand you have someone who accept change when it comes and recognizes that whether for good or bad, change will come and it is what we make of it that determines the quality of our live afterwards. On the other hand, you have someone who resists change when possible because they have come to think that where their life ends up after the adjustment is out of their control, but since they have recognized that some changes are inevitable they are not always unwilling participants.

Dealing with change is a fact of life, but how we deal with it is not written in stone. Certainly changing our perceptions of change is a difficult task, but that is why we are not alone on this earth. I am a firm believer that sometimes even the unvoiced prayer can be answered, many times in the form of an unlikely or unseen friend. Sometimes we encounter people in our lives who enter in at just that precise moment we need them most, which we always figure out in hindsight. They show up and help us patch up the messy parts or lend a hand through uncharted waters in life.

It's rough around the edges, but this has been my salute to change. May you recognize change when it confronts you, enjoy it when it appeals to you, and find comfort in friends when it frightens you.

finding unity through faith

2006-02-16T08:41:00.000-05:00

I found an excellent article on unity in New Wineskins this morning, and I just had to share it.
Unity through Simplicity: A Future of Peace -- Chuck Monan

The entire article is worth the read, but while I could snip out many bits and pieces to share, I decided on just these two for now.

"We live at a time when many people are asking: what is faith? Faith is a simple trust in God, an indispensable surge of trusting undertaken countless times over in the course of our life."
-- Brother Roger Schutz, speaking about young people in their searching, praying, and doubting in life.

"He possessed something that we desperately lack: a love for one another; a desire to be together; a determination to be unified despite some of the differences of opinion and perspective that we have."
-- Chuck Monan, speaking about Brother Roger and the churches of Christ.

As a final bit of intrigue, for some reason that my brain refuses to clear up for me, I think I've met Chuck before. While I've never been to the church he currently speaks at, his picture and his name ring a bell but I can't quite put it all into context. My best guess at the moment would be that I met him while in college somehow.

Anyway, I highly recommend that you check out the article.

joy and sorrow

2006-02-14T17:19:00.000-05:00

Taking a brief step out of the current thread of thinking and discussion
-- Happy Valentine's Day! --

However, on a sad note I must admit that my home computer has given up the ghost. It was the first computer that I ever built from scratch, but now it is relegated to spare parts. It appears that when my monitor went a couple of months ago, it was a precursor of things to come. The power supply failed late last week, causing a hard crash while I was listening to some music. That power failure (and probably my subsequent diagnostics) seems to have dragged the whole ship down with it. Currently the hard drive appears to be non-functional, which is somewhat painful as there was some data loss (but not completely catastrophic). However, on top of those 2 critical components (power and storage), the power supply appears to have taken out the motherboard and possibly even the processor. To put all that in non-technical-speak, I'll compare it to biology -- my computer suffered a massive heart failure, which was further complicated by permanent brain damage, pulmonary failure, and extensive nerve damage.

Oh well... the future of my home computing experience awaits, I just need to figure out which way to head. ;)

matt's 20 questions

2006-02-10T14:36:00.000-05:00

Going into the weekend, I felt it rather appropriate to leave some tidbit or thought as I work on some deeper thoughts. However, since Matt Richie shared some ponderings that I share, I figured I'd drop a link over to his post instead. Enjoy!

Twenty Questions (or thereabouts)

My particular favorites are the following:

Who decided that...
…a message is a critical component of each gathering of believers?
…attending a weekly gathering in an auditorium is the primary thing that determines whether you are a legitimate Christian?

welcome to seeking

2006-02-07T17:36:00.000-05:00

How very drastic of me -- well not really, I had been debating this move for a while now. The new title for me seemed to fit the purpose of the blog better, and there were a few cosmetic changes that I wanted to test on a clean slate which made the move easier. Anyway, welcome to the newly revamped site -- if you link to me please take the time to update your links, I'd appreciate it. Thanks!

Again, welcome and enjoy the journey!

taking stock spiritually

2006-02-07T08:20:00.000-05:00

Last week, as I highlighted my first full year of blogging, I took time to do a quick checklist of where I thought I saw myself spiritually at this point in time. However, looking back I can see that a quick list really didn't help anything since it seemed to trivialize a few things. So today it's back to the list and time to flesh things out a bit.

Sporadic Worship Attendance
As I said, I am apathetic about changing the fact that I don't attend some kind of worship service on a regular basis. However, that doesn't mean that I don't miss the interaction and encouragement of being in community. The situation is more that I'm tired of going through the motions just to find a small fragment of the community that I yearn to be a part of.

Infrequent Prayer Life
When I say that I feel awkward at times, I'm not kidding. Certainly, I grew up hearing prayer all the time, but somehow lately that form of prayer for me feels inauthentic and cheap. Think about it, you are conversing with God - who knows your thoughts, desires, and needs - and you want to chit chat about the headlines and minutia of daily life? I mean, certainly one must convey your heart's concerns to God, but shouldn't it be conversational and personal? And so I continue to infrequently pray, often seeking some kind of confirmation that I am on the right path.

No Small Groups
Some people think small groups are the same as devotional groups or bible studies, but to me all 3 are completely separate entities. To me, a small group is a gathering of people (no more than 10) that meet for the sole purpose of encouragement and strengthening of each other's spirits. Certainly prayer would be involved, and perhaps scripture from time to time, but the main objective of a small group should be to help people make sense of everyday life and equip them to cope with the real world. Since I haven't found any to join within a reasonable distance, I've thought about starting one but the idea intimidates me greatly.

Indifference for Bible Study/Devotional
Ok, I get a bit temperamental about this topic, but perhaps justifiably so from my history. Here's my take - certainly one could spend their entire life studying scripture and meeting in groups to glorify God with mini-sermons and singing, but how does that spread the Good News? Both bible study and devotional are useful at times, but they are also highly uncomfortable places to invite people for their first taste of Christ's loving message. I am not writing them off entirely, as I said they are useful, but at some point someone from those groups has to cut the cord and venture out to interact with the world. I've been to devotionals, bible studies, college bible courses and seminars, and while I admit there is much I don't know and much I've continued to learn, I'm ready for something more.

Lack of church Involvement
In my past, I've served in a few areas of the typical Sunday morning worship, but as I said I'm not real keen on taking up those roles currently. I guess the problem I see is that I would like to be involved, but I don't see where the talents I think I should be using would fit into most church communities. Being a webbie by trade, I obviously could assist on websites, but I'd be more interested if someone was interested in starting a web-based outreach or ministry that goes beyond the online mission/beliefs statement and invitation to visit on Sunday.

Firming up Spiritual Relationships
The most obvious relationships I have been working on this past year have been the ones that I develop in the course of writing this blog and reading others. Yes, it is a somewhat limited spiritual relationship, but for the tech-savvy it is also cherished. I also have a handful very good friends that I talk to and email from time to time - with them I hope to perhaps start or expand on the idea of spiritual running partnerships. The last thing, and perhaps most important, is that there are a few that I am trying to help in their own spiritual journey. Whether I am providing a supportive and comforting ear or shoulder, or recommending scriptures and authors, I do so as a servant without motive -- except the hope that they find the answers they need and the love they deserve.

Idling Spiritual Health
I know it's cliché, but I do feel like I am at a crossroads - again. I can feel at times that there is something I need to be doing, but I am at a loss for what that something is. Perhaps the feeling is something that will continue to gnaw at me, waiting for the right moment for inspiration or recognition to come, or perhaps I am too darn stubborn to see the forest through the trees. Overall I feel like I am in a good place spiritually, but I know there is more I need to do - not for my satisfaction or benefit, but for God's will and the benefit of those He would send me to. I might look into getting seriously involved in a charitable organization of some kind, but I am not sure yet.

In the meantime, as long as you keep reading, I'll keep thinking and writing...
I hope your journey goes well for you, and that you find spiritual renewal and closeness to God.
Cheers!

self-restraint

2006-02-05T11:24:00.000-05:00

This morning, in the course of perusing my usual blog-haunts, I came across a link to another new blog which was a satirical post about how some long-standing Christians can appear to outsiders (and that is a very brief overview, and probably leaves out much). However, the most intriguing thing was that I knew the blog's author - as in seen him, chatted briefly, and shaken hands with him. And while I have not chronicled all that has transpired in that church community's growth, he is the subject of one of my own posts. I was navigating around his relatively new site, when I saw his entry from yesterday.

Coming Full Circle -- Will Spina

-- Update -- it appears the page has been taken down. Through the magic of the Internet, I have retained a copy for my own records (a gentle reminder to myself if you will), but I will not be re-posting it anywhere. However, if you still wish to do so, please feel free to read my post from last Easter and let me know your thoughts and comments concerning the overall tone and content - i.e. was I harsh, critical, generous, neutral, etc?

Below is a link to the post of mine which the above entry talks about. I urge you to read them both, in which ever order you so choose, and please leave me a comment with your thoughts. I will say only this - in my entry, no where do I claim to be perfect, no where do I state anything other than my own observations and the reactions of those I personally spoke with.

highlighting the elusive blindspot

I need some outside perspective on this from those who read what I write on a regular basis. And in case you were wondering, no I do not intend to then take the reactions (however they turn out) and formulate some kind of response article.

---

On a lighter note -- enjoy the Super Bowl, if that is something you plan to watch! I for one will be enjoying the game and the company of good friends.
Cheers!

milestone reflection

2006-01-30T11:27:00.000-05:00

A milestone has passed this month, and it passed rather uneventfully and unbeknownst to me. I have officially been blogging for over a year. What started as a way to reach out to people and discuss anything emergent due to my introduction to a few new authors, has since twisted and changed into a way for me to share my spiritual journey, ideas, and questions. Over time the experience has also made it easier for me to express my thoughts in writing, and sometimes with a creative or poetic flourish - well creative anyway, my poetry has always sucked.

Now with a year behind me, and at a new station in my spiritual life, I've decided that it is time to take stock. This is partly due to a rather eye-opening post by Josh over at Stupid Church People, he talks about his current status in his church detox and church relationship in general - Checking In. I've actually felt quite a bit of what he is talking about lately, though perhaps without quite as much intensity. So anyway, without further rambling, let's go through a checklist of sorts:

Worship attendance? Sporadic - and apathetic about changing.
Prayer life? Sporadic - and still feeling awkward at times, also seeking some kind of validation or something.
Small group? None - and still none to be found that I feel compelled to join, yet starting one intimidates me.
Bible study/devotional? Still can't stand them and see no point in joining them. Been there, done that.
Overall church involvement? Hard to be involved when the only opportunities are the typical Sunday morning worship roles, which I'm not real keen on taking up.
Spiritual relationships? Same - talking with some, blogging infrequently, trying to help others without being pushy.
Spiritual health? Idling - I seem to be at a new crossroads, can't go back the way I came, but utterly lost as to where I am supposed to go from here.

I honestly just don't know where to go from here, but I have a sneaking suspicion the resolution lies somewhere in taking new steps in some other part of my spiritual life. I might need to work on attempting Gateway's 60/60 experiment which is part of their Way of Christ series, but I am not real certain on that front. We shall see...

back from oz

2006-01-25T17:50:00.000-05:00

So I made it back from Australia fully intact, albeit with a bit of serious jetlag yesterday. Overall, it was a great trip; work went well and I got to see plenty of Melbourne, many of the sights on the Great Ocean Road, and some scenic hiking around the rainforests of the Otways National Park. I will definitely be trying to get back there again some day, Australia is a beautiful country with wonderful people.

That being said, I've been wondering of late if my blog needs a change of format or direction. I seem to have lost something the past couple of months, maybe its a form of winter writing hibernation, or perhaps its just that I've beaten my subject matter to death. I honestly don't know, and I might not figure it out for quite a while. So if there are drastic changes that come about over the next month or so, bear with me while I experiment. Otherwise, feel free to respond with some kind of interesting topic of conversation.

Cheers!

blending of old and new

2006-01-13T18:26:00.000-05:00

Melbourne is an interesting city, probably one of the rare cities that I would consider a nice place to live for a while as opposed to being relegated to visits only. Overall, the city has a feeling of newness to it: clean streets, modern buildings, mass transit, and everything just seems brighter. However, despite the newness, there are some beautiful examples of traditional architecture intermingling with some of the more abstract designs out there. Take the intersection of Flinders Street and Swanston Street as a prime example.

On one corner you have Flinders Street Station, a bustling center for railway transportation. While I am no architect, I consider the building to be European-English style architecture, and the bronze domes and clock tower are beautiful. It's something I would expect to bump into in downtown London (though why I don't know, as I never been there).

Opposite this traditionally designed building, is Federation Square. Aside from being a very intriguingly designed set of buildings, it also houses a center for the arts, restaurants, a museum, and a visitor's information center. Despite my usual penchant for linear and orderly things, the skewed angles and patchwork facade always seems to pleasingly draw my eye. Rather fitting, they are currently highlighting an exhibit that chronicles the work of Stanley Kubrick.

While I have yet to take a photo directly of it, on yet another corner of the intersection is St Paul's Cathedral (which is the spire surrounded by scaffolding), and a bit further down the street what appears to be a mosque perhaps or maybe it's just Mideast-inspired.

While, yes, these are merely buildings which have no say in where they are built and who their neighbors are, the fact that these vastly different buildings co-exist in such proximity is a heart-warming thought. The ancient is being refreshed, the foreign is being recognized, the traditional has a fresh coat of paint, and the new is drawing people to them all. I have put absolutely no spiritual insinuation into this blog entry, none whatsoever. Cheers! ;o)

keeping a lid on good news

2006-01-09T02:16:00.000-05:00

Have you ever had really great news that you were just dying to share, but for whatever reason you were forced to not reveal it until some time later? Did it just eat away at you everyday wanting to shout to every person you know that you had great news, and it had nothing to do with car insurance? Sometimes I wonder if that's what Jesus' young adult life was like - having great news and knowing that no matter how much he wanted to share it with everyone, the time for him to share it would not be right for many years. I may never be in a situation to have information that could not be disseminated for years to come, but I've known what its like to have to keep a lid on something for a few months. Just those few months are usually filled with mixed emotions: joy and happiness concerning the information itself, and yet depression or frustration that I had to wait to share it. In these matters, patience is a precious virtue and vision is a necessity. Typically the information is not the problem, but rather the timing of its release that is of primary concern.

My heart sings everyday with the blessing I have received and those I look forward to in the future. Some things I share, some I never will, and some are shared in due time.

land of oz

2006-01-05T01:08:00.000-05:00

Hope everyone had a very enjoyable and relaxing holiday season, welcome to 2006. With the turning of the year, I was preparing for a new adventure in life as provided by my job. I am currently writing this blog entry from Melbourne, Australia. While getting here turned out to be a much longer prospect than it was supposed to be (thanks to some lengthy mechanical delays which forced to me to spend a day in Los Angeles), I made it in one piece and am now in a place I always dreamed of visiting. Some days I really, really, really love my job.

So to make a short blog shorter, I might be extremely erratic in blogging since I am sure I will have lots to talk about and yet very little time to do so. Duty calls first, then the sightseeing commences. Cheers mate!

of books and theories

2005-12-19T15:49:00.000-05:00

Since I have heard sermons preached about the topic, none of which I wholeheartedly endorse, I figured it was high time I threw my opinions into the mix. I recently finished reading Dan Brown's The Da Vinci Code, and while I have much to say I will start with this: like Michael Crichton before him, Dan Brown wrote an excellent fictional novel that starts from a base of historical fact. Crichton is highly praised for his highly detailed descriptions of science and technology that while typically fictional and futuristic, are grounded with roots of engineering principles and embellished with possibility and probability. Brown has done the same, only he started from a base of historical documents, artwork, architecture, world religions, and ancient mystery from which is woven a highly entertaining and thought provoking story. Weed through all that, and you come away with the simple fact that this book like hundreds of others is just a really good work of fiction and nothing more.

The hype and controversy that has erupted over The Da Vinci Code is actually a bit funny if you think about, because it only serves to drive up intrigue and sales of the book. I've heard different view points from the book's opponents, my favorites being the 'detail nitpicking' and the 'detrimental to faith' angles. The first, detail nitpicking, is where preachers/ministers/pastors/priests denounce the book because of its inaccurate use of church history or reliance on non-canonical scripture (i.e. that which is not in the bible). The second argument claims that the book is dangerous because it could damage the faith of wavering Christians and potentially draw non-Christian seekers away from the church. Personally, I think both arguments are ridiculous and I'll share why.

Let's deal with the nitpicking, which is highly absurd. First, if you are doing this ask yourself a question - why are you criticizing the historical/religious details of a fictional novel? Many times writers might need to fudge the details to make a story work, it kind of goes with the whole fiction genre. The easiest way to debunk the book, which is generally the point of nitpicking, is to lay out the easy cards and remind people that it is a work of fiction. If you need to get beyond that simple statement then you have bigger problems to deal with - as in, either you are grinding that axe way too much, or you have serious spiritual needs in your community that have needed tending for some time.

And that leads us to the second argument, damaging people's faith. Anyone who has been reading my blog for any amount of time knows that this argument alone just rubs me the wrong way. Anything that makes you stop and think about why you believe what you believe, can not be an entirely bad thing. Blind faith is not a place to which you should aspire, you should be able to answer the tough questions you face whether they be external or internal in origin. I actually see The Da Vinci Code as a useful tool, for if you can read what this author poses and walk away with your faith intact and an answer to a hypothetical question, you have better prepared yourself to share your faith with the seeking secular world. Would it bother you if Jesus were married, and perhaps fathered a child? Why? Does is bother you to hear a story that places women on equal footing with men in the Christian faith? Why? I am not arguing that everything in the book has a valid answer and can be useful to your faith, but some of it is trivial. One could get into a circular argument of reasoning when it comes to sections of the book that discuss the efforts of Constantine and later church leaders to essentially rewrite scripture to demonize women and establish the divinity of Christ (as opposed to being a mortal prophet, and married father). The issue is circular because either side in the argument stands firm in the right-ness their belief, and neither has a smoking gun to prove the other wrong.

I rant on about this to say essentially that, I read the book and liked it. Sure, the book raised some interesting questions and posed some controversial ideas, but it is still just a fictional story. If Jesus had been married to Mary Magdalene, it wouldn't change my faith - He is still Christ, the Son of God. Also, I think some of the ideas about the "sacred feminine" and equality of the sexes in spiritual matters is justified and would probably enhance our faith. I am not saying I endorse anything in the book as something to base your beliefs on, nor am I saying that I agree with anything in the book that calls Christ's divinity or life into question, but it brought up some interesting things to think about. Last I checked, thinking is still not a crime, nor a sin.

There are no bad questions, only bad answers...

discussion and conversation on the mind

2005-12-16T15:01:00.000-05:00

I've heard it said that the quickest way to kill a blog is just not post, and unfortunately this time of year for me is difficult for me to avoid. I tried to flesh out something I've been rolling around in my mind, but unfortunately its still very unpolished. So for now I will say, Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, and Happy New Year!

As my present to you, here's a sneak peek at what I've been thinking about, feel free to leave your two cents on the topic.

When we discuss our faith with other, whether Christian or not, how does the way we approach the conversation affect the outcome? Different generations have different models of discussion, some are logic based, some are philosophical, still others are just gut impressions. How do we incorporate how we live our life into the discussion, and show the fruits of our faith? What happens when we don't show our faith, but instead explain our faith? Entering a conversation, are we willing to pick up the other person's point of view and try it on? Are we willing to have conversations about areas and ideas that we are not comfortable with or perhaps have never thought about before? I believe there is a fundamental difference in the way emerging generations think and approach a conversation versus older "modern" generations (i.e. non-postmodern/non-emerging). Understanding that difference is the start of bridging that communications gap.

loving snow

2005-12-09T16:35:00.000-05:00

The first major snowfall of the year, and we got hit hard with around a foot of white, powdery goodness. Bring it on! I love snow, as naturally I should seeing as I am a skier and snowboarder, it gives me peace. I find nothing more relaxing than to look out the window on a snowy day and watch the heavy fall of snowflakes cover everything with a pristine, pillowy blanket. I also love snow because it brings to mind memories of the holidays, which is always a good time with friends and family. This year I am especially thankful because I don't have to destroy my back while enjoying the snow - my parents gave us an excellent snowblower for our anniversary. It works wonderfully, throwing the snow off the driveway, and the only inconvenience to me is the cold blast of snow that comes when the wind decides to be at odds with where the snowblower wants to send the snow (which was frequent today). In the end, I'd rather be a bit wet-for-wear than popping ibuprofen for extreme muscle exertion. Besides, having a snowblower lets me be a friendly, caring neighbor. I enjoy helping out when others around me have a tough time, especially the end of the driveway where that one foot of snow has become 2 feet of heavy and compacted from road plowing. And after all is said and done, I would love to run out, tunnel around in the snow and perhaps build a snowman, if it weren't for a sneaking suspicion that I'd get some strange looks. ;-)

Enjoy the snow if you have it, I know I will!

fresh community at RLP

2005-12-06T08:54:00.000-05:00

So like many other people, I've been busy lately and usually have time to catch up on a few blogs I read, but rarely time enough to write. Falling excellently in that category would be a new posting by Real Live Preacher. He talks about a community that he envisioned a while back, which not so surprisingly, many of the traits are those that are becoming highly cherished in some churches that are re-inventing themselves. Check it out...

If we could do church

U2 marketing

2005-12-02T09:38:00.000-05:00

Interesting article over at Church Marketing Sucks about some more "lessons" the church could learn from watching Bono and U2 market their music and their message.

More Lessons for the Church from U2

Enjoy!

it's amazing

2005-12-01T12:55:00.000-05:00

It's amazing...

How two groups can argue vehemently with each other over a point they both agree on...
How starting an exercise regime is daunting, until you actually start it...
How rude and unscrupulous a retailer can be to the very customers they depend on for revenue...
How easy it is to let the insignificant details overshadow what really matters in life...
How quickly a body can recover the mechanics of an activity it hasn't done for a long time...
How refreshing being out in crisp, autumn air can be...
How insightfully true and yet disheartening is the phrase, "the more things change, the more they stay the same"

holiday cheer

2005-11-26T10:05:00.000-05:00

Sometimes it takes a lot, sometimes it takes very little; the spirit of holidays is quirky like that. Watching the stampede at retail stores on the news during Black Friday shopping steals my holiday spirit. Is getting that $400 computer for $150 really worth trampling some unlucky woman when the doors open and she stumbles? My faith in the common sense and intelligence of the "general public" is severely shattered when I read the reports of parents berating store managers because the hot new toy or gadget is sold out, but then turn around and are willing to pay exorbitantly inflated prices on ebay rather than wait.

But then again, despite the overwhelmingly discouraging news of all these kinds of holiday-induced selfishness, a little snow and seeing my wife prancing about and singing or humming bits of Christmas songs warms my heart and brings a smile to my face.

I hope the beginning of your holiday season starts a time of joyous reunion with family, friends, and loved ones.

holiday creep

2005-11-21T10:05:00.000-05:00

No, this is not about some strange or mean holiday shopper, nor is this about some sickening feeling that a person gets as holidays approach. I'm talking about the holiday marketing equivalent of urban creep or suburban sprawl -- a holiday sprawl if you will. Is it just me, or did the marketing geniuses out there totally obliterate Thanksgiving in the U.S. in favor of Christmas/Hanukkah? I mean, what ever happened to celebrating the significance of Thanksgiving before the media blitz that has become of the winter holidays? In these times of diversity, one would think Thanksgiving would be a time to reflect on some of the critically important aspects that are usually overlooked about this November holiday.

The pilgrims sailed to North America not to conquer, but to live peacefully. Depending on your point of view, they were escaping religious persecution, were exiled from their homeland for their minority religious beliefs, or a combination of the two coupled with a desire to avoid Dutch culture from taking over their own tradition/culture. Could they have protested or resorted to violence to make their government recognize them equally (which probably would have resulted in their death), certainly but they chose to move on and head to a place where they could preserve their culture. I consider this an illustration of a concern for tradition, freedom, non-violence, and culture preservation.
The Pilgrims arrived in North America with preconceived notions of what Native American Indians were like, and could have attacked the local tribe in an act of "self-preservation." However, they didn't, and the local Patuxet tribe chose not to attack the Pilgrims either, instead offering knowledge of local plants and agricultural practices. Had the Pilgrims not trusted the Patuxets, they most likely would have died as they were not sufficiently prepared for New England winters. To me, this is an illustration of co-operation, compassion, and culture co-existence.

Certainly, the co-operative, peaceful, multicultural themes that exist in this U.S. tradition should be something we celebrate a bit more, in addition to our own reasons to give thanks each year. Don't get me wrong though, I do enjoy the Christmas/Hanukkah season since there are usually more instances of people being genuinely kind and the overall festive spirit. I just see something very wrong with a green flag being waved right after Halloween is over, signaling the beginning of a Christmas marketing frenzy. I mean come on, this weekend at the mall, Santa was already out and available for wishlists and pictures -- isn't he supposed to wait until after the Thanksgiving Day Parade? I know the retail chains depend on December holidays to keep their profit margins healthy, especially in these uncertain and troubled times, but can we please stop the marketing blitz from starting until after Thanksgiving? I am concerned for our future, because it seems that soon Halloween will be the next holiday that gets leap-frogged and then the chaos will ensue - pre-lit artificial trees, menorahs, Santa hats, pumpkins, witches, and ghosts do not mix well.

/rant-off

quick but intriguing

2005-11-17T09:52:00.000-05:00

Just something I ran across today in my news/blog reading..

http://outchurched.com/2005/11/16/great-image.htm l

Be sure to click on the picture so you can see the full size image with all its caption and label goodness. Otherwise, latest news here is -- busy. Blogging will probably be a bit on the sparse side for the next month or so I imagine. However, I will do my best to try and put something up from time to time (probably weekly at best).

knocking yourself down a notch

2005-11-09T09:11:00.000-05:00

As seems to be my modus operandi, posting about a spiritual high is always followed by some form of humbling spiritual insight. Since as it is often said from the pulpit, "all fall short," don't let it be said that I ever claimed exception. The reason I am putting myself out here for self-flagellation is that I finally finished reading John Burke's No Perfect People Allowed, and I have a multitude of reactions to the book. My first reaction is joy and hope at reading about a church community (Gateway Community Church)that is making an impact with my generation. However, that is quickly followed up by mild depression at the realization that nothing like that exists in my neck of the woods, at least nothing that I have found. The closest would probably be my friend's church, though the demographic they have is different and it is about 3 hours away. The reason I start to feel down is because through my recent stretch of personal spiritual formation, I am coming to realize my great need for community - I miss interacting with people. But obviously, anyone following my escapades from the beginning will know that I've run into some groups that for some reason result in each of us rubbing the other the wrong way. So far, when I happen to be in town and am not on-call on Sunday, I head over to Farmington. I get along with people there, but I don't seem to be able to make it there as often as I like. Not that I've been there enough to emphatically state anything about them, but I feel they need a vision to strive for, something that will shake up the way they operate. Maybe if I can get my life organized and stabilized, I can throw my $0.02 out there for them and see what they think...

Thank you to all you who actually stop by and read this stuff, it's nice to know that I'm not crazy and that sometimes what I say makes sense. I consider you my virtual church community.

laughing off calamity

2005-11-08T10:10:00.000-05:00

So lately I've been head down, nose to the grindstone at work and its looking like I will be that way through mid January. Not that I am complaining mind you, more work usually means continued employment and opportunities for new and exciting challenges. I've also had some exciting stuff happen around the house as well, so not everything has been work-work-work for me. We finally had a roofer come by to look at our leaky roof (after the heavy rains of October, go figure). On the positive side, despite a roof junction having been installed backwards (something with the shingles), there was a quick and inexpensive fix for the problem. However, when the roofer was just about finished, a gust of wind caught his ladder and blew it over... hitting my car. I was shocked and surprised, not because my car had just been hit by a large, heavy ladder, but because of the way I reacted. I could have been angry and abusive, since the ladder should have been tethered to the house (for his protection and mine), but I wasn't. I have always believed and sometimes shared with people that while I do appreciate having a car of my choice, which I maintain regularly, if something were to happen to it I wouldn't let it bother me. After all, it's just a car, a means of transportation and in the grand scheme of things not something I should be worried about. I felt proud of myself later that evening because I wasn't a hypocrite. I actually saw the whole thing as I was just walking out my front door to see how things were going, and the first thing I did was run back inside to get my keys to shut the alarm off. The second thing I did... was laugh to myself as I examined the damage. It was a funny situation, there on the peak of my roof, 2 stories up, sat the now stranded roofer. He was looking apologetic and completely embarrassed; he knew that what happened was completely his fault. I joked with him a bit while I picked the ladder up, set it back up, and held it in place until he was on his way down. We both looked at the car; the damage wasn't catastrophic, a minor dent and large scratch on the hood, and a decent dent and paint chipping on the fender. However, he knew that the repair would not be cheap since the kind and location of the damage meant a lot of labor hours and/or replacing the hood and fender.

I was proud of myself, because in a situation where I had always believed I would not lose my cool, I did just what I thought I would. I never yelled at him, in fact I was friendly and understanding. He told me right away he would pay for the repairs, and waived payment for the roof repair. The repairs to my car I figured he would (or should) offer, but waiving payment for the roof I did not expect. In fact, had he not said anything I would have asked him when to expect a bill. Maybe its because today's society is trigger-happy with lawsuits that he responded the way he did, but I'd prefer to think that he is just a honest guy who felt at ease around me. When I could have berated, I chose kindness; when I could have exploited, I chose generosity; when he apologized repeatedly, I forgave him and told him not to worry about it. It was one of those rare moments where upon reflection, I truly felt like I had shown my Christianity. I may not be a regular attendee of worship service, but in a real world situation I was practicing what I believe. Sometimes I get the feeling God is preparing me, one situation at a time, for a role that I would have never chosen for myself. Now if I could only figure what that role is...

preconceived notions

2005-10-30T17:52:00.000-05:00

So before I begin -- Thanks to Big Mike Lewis for reminding me that it was most likely his blog where I heard about John Burke's No Perfect People Allowed. I read his blog regularly, but couldn't seem to find the posts I recalled seeing. Upating that front, I am still reading the book and enjoying it thoroughly. I seem to be reading this one a bit more slowly than my usual pace, but I think it is because there is a lot to absorb and think about.

Moving on to the topic of the day -- ever have one of those days where you have some elaborate scene worked up in your mind that you are so sure you will encounter? Not only are you sure the encounter will happen, but you almost look forward to it even though you envision it being a somewhat argumentative confrontation? I have a tendency to do this, it probably has something to do with the fact that in real life I would rarely thrash someone verbally in public despite how much they incited me; though there have been times I have come close to doing so. There is a church community that I visit infrequently, partly due to the inevitable, insensitive, ungenerous words of the preacher (in my opinion) that just burn me up. I have come to expect this when I go, which is the reason that I had not been there since Easter -- which was a particularly bad experience. Don't get me wrong, the guy has the best intentions and from what I can tell he doesn't say the things that get under my skin just to get a rise out of me. There are apparently just some areas where he and I don't even come close to seeing eye-to-eye, and I believe it is to the detriment of the community of believers and the local community they are trying to reach.

Today I was spared the confrontation I had envisioned in my head as they had a guest speaker. However, the spiritual climate in that church community has altered significantly since my last visit, and from what I can tell it is for the better. I noticed little differences in the way things were done or said, and I hope what I noticed is truly becoming the norm. Preconceived notions aren't healthy, since obviously change is always in the mix, which I know from personal experience. Knowing that people can change, and accepting that it will occur on a timetable we cannot fully understand, life can be a lot less stressful. Certainly that doesn't mean we should kick back and just let things take their own course if we have something to say - I may not have said anything publicly in the past, but my concerns were voiced in other avenues - but we should recognize that since we are all imperfect people, we need each other desperately so we don't keep screwing things up. Cynicism and judgementalism do not help anyone -- a lesson I learn often.

check perfection at the door

2005-10-22T19:18:00.000-04:00

Been away this past week attending the annual team meeting for work. Good times overall, visiting with co-workers/friends and hearing some non-technical material. But as always, it's good to be home.

So as is my usual mode of operation, I've been reading a good book. I'm not done with it yet, so far I think I am about halfway through. I usually don't like to write about a book until I've finished it, but this is one of those few exceptions. I went to the store originally intending to pick up Leonard Sweet's Out of the Question, Into the Mystery, but alas the shelf was barren of the title despite the computer insisting it was there. However, not to be defeated, I continued scouring the shelves thinking someone had simply misplaced the book as is typically the case. In my search I came across No Perfect People Allowed by John Burke, the title caught my attention and I would swear that I had seen that someone else who's blog I frequent had been reading it (of course I cannot find that now either). The subtitle of the book is just as intriguing - Creating a Come-as-You-Are Culture in the Church. So I flipped the book open to read the synopsis/description that the book jacket offered, and then decided that this book sounded more interesting in the moment than the other elusive book (though I'll still probably try to find it some other time).

To make a long story short - halfway through the book, I am constantly teetering between forging ahead and quitting. The content is excellent, the personal stories are riveting, and the concepts are spot on with the kind of community I've been feeling is needed both in my life and in our current culture. The problem is, while reading the book, I feel like through it God is shining a really bright spotlight on some personal/spiritual weaknesses I am always had but never acknowledged. I recognize my own need for much of what is presented (small groups, spiritual "running" partner, etc.) and yet at the same time I don't want it - because I know it will force me to face things which I have until now felt much more comfortable sweeping under the rug till later. No it's not that I have any major skeletons in the closet, but there are things I have real trouble sharing. Whether it be because of the control factor or exposure factor, I just don't like the idea of facing what I know I need. Regardless, I will finish the book, it is very good and I highly recommend it. More later...

painful prayer

2005-10-13T09:41:00.000-04:00

It's sad really, the idea that as Christians many of us have been taught that when it comes to prayer, ask and you shall receive, is the de facto understanding. While certainly we were also told that God is not Santa who will grant you that shiny new toy just because you asked for it, matters of the heart are supposedly solved when we take them to the Lord. Rarely, if ever, are we told about the flipside of the coin, where prayers are not answered the way we want them to be. We pray for the sick and afflicted people we know, asking for healing, always assuming that things will turn out in our favor. It's not always fair, but that's not always in the cards and sometimes we must be dealt a losing hand. I mean think about it, if we had our way we would be praying that every friend and family member we knew would stay healthy all the time and no one would ever die. While it seems rather utopian, this world is made up of a finite amount of resources which would not go far if over-population ran rampant - then our prayers for food and shelter would have to be fulfilled miraculously. I am not trying to be sarcastic about a serious topic, but just making a point. We are not being shown how to pray our way through unavoidable hardship, but rather we are taught to assume we can pray our way around it.

There is a prime example of praying about unavoidable turmoil, and it shows that even the best sometimes don't want face the pain we know is coming. Take a look at Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane - Matthew 26:36-46, Mark 14:32-42, and Luke 22:39-46 - check out all 3 at Bible Gateway. Jesus knew what was coming, but he didn't want to face it. We certainly don't have the full text of everything he was praying and thinking, but I can guess that was much more above and beyond his plea to find another way if possible. I would bet he prayed fervently that some spark would ignite in the hearts of the nation of Israel; a spark of understanding about who he was and what his message was about, so they would turn their lives around without his sacrifice at their hands. What more could he have asked for than for the chosen people of God to fulfill their destiny to be a blessing to all nations without that blessing costing his life.

So many people that I have met through this blog have voiced the same frustration with prayer when it comes to dealing with painful situations. I struggle with prayer myself, and I don't often consciously sit down and pray, but I have concerns in my heart and on my mind constantly. I worry about a friend in my neighborhood who was diagnosed with cancer; I am concerned for the spiritual and physical health of Amanda, especially with her latest struggles; my heart aches at the tragedy that has taken place this year which is probably the worst year of natural disaster after natural disaster (definitely in my lifetime, if not on record); not to mention the current media frenzy about a possible pandemic breakout of avian flu. Obviously, some of these hit closer to home than others, but the point is the same. With a world that seems like it is spinning out of control and about to fly apart at the seams, which for many of us can be on a personal scale, what do we do? Certainly the trite answer is often to keep our faith in the Lord, and trust that things will pull through and work out for the best. Does that sugary outlook on life sit well in your stomach? Would that bring any measure of comfort to you in the midst of deep anguish of the soul? I hate ranting, but that's what is coming now... we need the leaders in our midst to wake up and face reality - it can be a bleak, painful world out there, and telling people that praying about it will make everything all better doesn't cut it. It's no great wonder that when people hit rock bottom emotionally and spiritually, they abandon the church. When you are hanging on by a thread, desperate for something in your luck to change, do you really want to see someone with a happy-go-lucky grin on their face telling you to just place your trust in Jesus and everything will be better? I don't know about you, but I'd probably be on the verge of throwing a punch if I encountered a situation like that.

However, on a more positive note, there are people out there who know a better way around this. These are the counselors to the pained people, someone willing to just listen and help you ease your burden by just hearing you out. They don't offer trite answers or simple solutions, but rather listen and wait... and perhaps pray for you to find whatever it is you need (not want). They don't offer unsolicited advice, instead waiting to be asked a question that they can perhaps provide feedback for and no more. Jesus didn't dole out warmed-over, simplistic answers and he certainly never said that life was supposed to be easy... so why is that our knee-jerk reaction to tough questions and painful situations?

of heaven and pi

2005-10-04T10:26:00.000-04:00

Since I have been trying to get back to a more relaxed state of mind, which is where I feel I do my best work and best thinking, a friend of ours lent me a couple books to read. Consequently, this happens to be the same person I have been lending books to concerning some faith struggles and questions, so I guess we are starting our own book exchange now. Anyway, knowing the kind of books that I have been reading and recommending to her, she tossed me Mitch Albom's The Five People You Meet in Heaven and Yann Martel's Life of Pi.

Since work was still keeping me busy, I decided to start on the shorter of the two books, The Five People You Meet in Heaven. Not to give a book report or review, but I really liked this book overall. The concept was very intriguing, since we all at some point wrestle with what will happen to us when we die and if you believe in it, what the afterlife will be like. Rather than concentrating on a joyous reunion celebration version of heaven, Albom truly gets down to what we all really want to know - why did my life turn out the way it did, did I serve a purpose, did I make an impact on anyone? By highlighting some of the smallest details of the main character's life (Eddie), the story comes full circle and enlightens him about his own life through the story of others. Personally, I think that would be the greatest treasure that could be bestowed on someone after they have entered the presence of God, to be shown how one's life fit into God's eternal story.

After finishing the first book, I took a short break before starting Life of Pi. However, when I finally jumped into it, I went in with the warning ahead of time that the book starts out slowly but gets very good if you are patient. I was not disappointed, since the later part of the book is a lot of great internal struggles and philosophical reflection. I would say, however, that while the beginning of the book is slower, it contains very good background information that comes into play. I don't think I can do justice to the book with any summary or explanation of the book, so I won't. To pique your interest though, it is about a teenage Hindu-Christian-Muslim who ends up as the lone survivor after the cargo ship he is on sinks in the Pacific Ocean. And by lone survivor, I mean the lone human aboard a life boat with a zebra, hyena, orangutan, and Bengal tiger. I had been curious about the book in the past, having seen it on the shelf at bookstores, and I am truly glad that I read it.

Both books have been very popular in the online bookstore rankings at various times, and they are well deserved. However, I liked them not only for their excellent storytelling, but also for the way that I well spiritually refreshed while reading them. These books I felt provided some interesting tidbits to chew on from a spiritual and faith side of things. While one book confronts you head on with the conclusion that heaven exists and then fills in how the little and big things affect us, the other brings up some interesting situations and background information to put a bug in your head, and then plays out a moral struggle - subconsciously daring you to question the rightness or wrongness of the character's faith.

While I am not sure that either book was intended to inspire the faith of people, I think they both do an excellent job at it. They both challenged me to think, question, understand, and in the end both inspired me to continue loving God and all people (though that still doesn't mean I have to like all people)...

speed of work and presumptuous prayer

2005-10-01T18:53:00.000-04:00

First and foremost, I feel I must shout a "Right On! Amen!" to Mike Cope's post from much earlier this week. Seeing as I have been working on a variety of different tasks at work, dealing with homeowner association issues, and generally trying to get a few contiguous moments to stop and catch my breath, I feel I can relate to his sentiment about just wanting to retreat to a place of solitude to relax. I can also feel that when I am less stressed, I tend to be happier and have more energy. On the flipside, when I am stressed out I tend to get depressed, irritable, and I lose interest in things I normally find joy in. Since I am writing now, I have obviously found time to unwind a bit from my latest marathon of life, otherwise things would have remained quiet. While my workload really hasn't subsided all that much, some other areas of my life have slowed down (by actions I took to make it so) and I have been much happier overall. So on to the next topic...

I don't know if any of you out there watch The Amazing Race, but this past week they started up the new season/contest. This time around instead of teams of two, they opted to make it a family affair. Teams comprising of 4 family members (in any permutation you can think of, not just the typical parents and kids) are all competing in a race around the world for a million dollars. Normally, we watch this show to see what kinds of challenges the teams face not only as part of the competition but also in how they handle the strains put on the relationships. Now the reason I feel this is particularly blog-worthy is not because of some particularly interesting destination or challenge, but rather because I feel that one team is being a bit presumptuous. A mother and her 3 kids (son and 2 daughters) are competing in the race, and part of their story is that 2 years ago they lost their husband/father in an accident at the Daytona speedway. I am not completely heartless, and I can understand their grief and am inspired by the way they have stayed close as a family in the wake of such loss. However, I take serious offense from the fact that they have a tendency to flaunt their Christianity on television as if Jesus is their 5th team member. The pinnacle of this behavior was while trying to find their way along the first leg of the race, they literally prayed for the Lord to help them find the place they were looking for so they could come in first. I don't know, but I don't exactly think that God is going to go out of the way to help a family win prizes along a race to win a million dollars. I'm sure this family is very nice and I do hope they do well in the race, but the portrayal of Christianity they are putting out there on national television is just a reinforcement of the stereotypes that Christians in the United States have earned over the decades.

Ok, next time I promise I'll try to write something that actually will be spiritually challenging or uplifting. I really don't like to rant, but this has been bugging me since Tuesday.

and they gazed at the stars

2005-09-23T16:03:00.000-04:00

Whenever a discussion turns to topics such as, "how can we rethink the way we do worship," I usually throw out a few ideas that I have been churning in my head. Most are just a new twist on old things, such as incorporating more participatory aspects into worship (i.e. town hall style discussion, musical meditation, incorporating art or creative writing somehow, etc). I probably wouldn't think about completely shifting locations and incorporating something that I enjoyed, which is why I think what I just found is awesome!

I blog-hopped my way to a couple of new sites today, and while reading through some comments on the topic of coming up with innovative worship, one idea just jumped out at me. Check it out...

we went star gazing with our church last night...

How inspiring is that? Being outside on a beautiful night, taking in the vastness that is creation, and incorporating artistic, musical, and scriptural components. And more importantly, the overriding theme was that the community worshipped together - they went through the experience together. I think this is such a interesting break from the norm. I could definitely see adapting this to other kinds of outdoor activities - at the moment, hiking seems to be the one forefront in my mind; though a quiet, grassy clearing would probably work just as well.

a ray of hope

2005-09-21T10:29:00.000-04:00

Posts like these highlight what the media either refuses to show us or has not seen in their travels with the government relief effort.

Forces on the Frontlines -- Mike McNichols

This is the kind of publicity that The Church really needs. Not a particular denomination, group, sect, movement spear-heading an effort and shaming other groups... all Christians of all walks of life and from all the different flavors that exist working together selflessly.

My favorite excerpt...

I spoke with a sheriff with whom I worked in Bogalusa. He found it amazing that we had come all the way from California to help. He said to me, "I don't know what we would have done without the Christians."

love and obedience

2005-09-20T10:48:00.000-04:00

So, some of my discussions over at A New Kind of Conversation have recently turned towards the roles of love and obedience in spiritual formation. While I tend to struggle with the full impact of obedience in a Christian life, I relate well to the concept of loving as a Christian. I like to come at the question, "what does is mean or look like to follow Jesus," from the angle of love as opposed to obedience. To me, and probably many others, obedience on the surface just feels like a power issue, perhaps bringing to mind the image of a drill sergeant barking orders. Deep down I know that's not what it means from a Christian perspective, but not everyone we come into contact has that same perspective. So in my mind, spiritual formation becomes a process by which we cultivate our faith with love. Behind any step, any facet of spiritual formation (such as the 7 elements proposed by Brian McLaren) there must exist some level of love for God and Jesus, or else why would any formation or transformation take place?

Anyway, before I ramble on too long, I wanted to point you to Mike Lewis' latest blog entry. I think he explains well some of the thought process that goes into why I feel love is a stronger force in spiritual formation than obedience (though both go hand-in-hand). By telling someone about Jesus, you are obeying. By showing someone Jesus, you are loving. It's a minor difference with a major impact.

So, They Don't Believe In Absolute Truth? -- Mike Lewis

Enjoy!

pardon the silence

2005-09-19T14:26:00.000-04:00

Lately I have been focusing my spiritual ponderings and musings on the discussions over at A New Kind of Conversation, particularly the topic Spiritual Formation in a Postmodern Context. Which, incidentally, a big thank you to those of you who are visiting here for the first time. Hopefully, you won't think anything I've written or will write is totally absurd.

Other than that, I'm now struggling to balance my life between work, my own spiritual formation, and neighborhood issues. I'm hoping that last bit will clear up soon...

the conversation begins

2005-09-15T13:38:00.000-04:00

Got the following in my email today:

Hello all,

"A New Kind of Conversation: Blogging Toward a Postmodern Faith" will be posted online at 12:00pm Eastern Standard Time (US), today September 15th! Brian McLaren and Bruce Ellis Benson kick things off for us. Brian with thoughts on "Spiritual Formation in a Postmodern Context" and Bruce examines the question of "What is Postmodernism?". Other topics by our remaining contributors will be rolled out every two days, so be sure to follow along as things progress. And thanks to everyone for doing such a great job getting the word out. We have been overwhelmed by thousands of people who have come to the site. This has the potential of being a truly global discussion. Continue to let others know, we are still trying to get as many folks from Asia, South America, and Africa into the conversation as possible! So if you know of any bloggers in these regions of the world, point them in this direction. Thanks again and welcome to anewkindofconversation.com.

Hunter & Myron

Enjoy! Just be sure to read the Site Expectations so you understand exactly what they are trying to do and what may come out the discussions. Also, if you do decide to join in, there is an acceptance agreement you need to read since there is the possibility of your thoughts being published.

reconciling personality with spirituality

2005-09-14T18:50:00.000-04:00

So even though David Wray said not to think too hard on the Spirituality Type exercise that we went through, I was perplexed by my results - not upset, just intrigued. You see I landed solidly within the Inner Life quadrant. Inner Life spirituality focuses on contemplation, inner peace, sometimes a monastic life, and prayer that seeks or leads to mystical union with God/Jesus/Spirit. At first I was really confused because according to Myers-Briggs I am an ENTP (yeah I know, to some including my wife a total shocker!) and I figured that being extroverted would kind of preclude me from something that requires a lot of solitude. However, reflecting on events from Monday and going back to my Myers-Briggs work-up, I think I've been able to reconcile what I perceived to be a dichotomy in my life. You see, my strongest personality function is N, intuition. This means that I am a creative problem solver, someone who takes in information by noticing patterns, possibilities, interrelationships and using my gut feeling. However, combine that with extraversion (drawing energy from people/activities/things) and you get the result that I like to share with people the ideas generated by this internal process.

Some of you might think this is useless information, but I guess I really wanted to share all this because I find it helps me understand why/how I do some of the things I do. Not that you should scramble to find out what your spiritual or personality types are, but maybe this insight into myself will help you understand and reconcile some aspects of your own life. As for me, the continual, inane rambling I do on this blog helps me in my faith journey so I can figure out what my spiritual role is or should be - I still don't know what that is, but perhaps the picture is getting a little less fuzzy now. Thanks for reading...

"Faith keeps many doubts in her pay. If I could not doubt, I should not believe."
-- Henry David Thoreau

following the unknown path

2005-09-13T19:40:00.000-04:00

So, as I mentioned yesterday, I did take a rather interesting journey. Since it was my last day off before heading back to the world of work, I decided that I really wanted to do something I'd been putting off -- hiking! I scanned the internet trail guides for Connecticut and settled on checking out Breadloaf Mountain, which connects up to the Appalachian Trail and offers views of the Litchfield hills and the Housatonic River valley. The views I figured would be gorgeous, and it was a great day for hiking, but I also just wanted someplace quiet to be with nature, meditate, pray, and maybe read some scripture and/or write. Excited at being in the outdoors once again I took off with gusto, tackling the trail at a fairly aggressive pace. As to be expected - since I haven't done any serious hiking in a while - the moment the trail took its steep, upward climb to the peak, I started to feel the burn in my legs and lungs. But not one to be beaten down easily, I forced my body through the initial pains, drank some water, and continued on. I mean come on, the hike was only 0.5 miles - albeit a lot of it was uphill, severely uphill. After about a half hour of steady climbing I reached the peak and was rewarded with stunning views.

Breadloaf Mountain Looking South

Breadloaf Mountain Looking Across the Housatonic River Valley

I sat for a while taking in the peaceful surroundings, had a snack, and then decided to break out my bible. While at ElderLink, Paul and Jeff had talked about how 2 Corinthians 4 speaks very eloquently about being a missionary - dealing with struggles, keeping focused, and things of that nature. Of course, I'd never really heard that take on it before, but when I sat there during their session thinking about it, it really did speak to me as a kind of comforting, morale booster for someone struggling out in the field. They also talked about how sometimes we need to stop taking everything at face value, the "we heard it once or twice so now we know all there is to know" kind of attitude, and dig deeper from many angles (my words, not theirs). Thinking about all this gave me the reason to tote my bible with me to the top of the mountain. I decided that starting with 2 Corinthians 4 (after a few moments of silent prayer), I was going renew my study of scripture, but with more depth. At first, I read through chapter 4 alone a couple of times, but as I read it I started to realize that it seemed to me there were allusions to something that must have been said previously. So then I decided to skip back a couple of chapters, but as I scanned I realized I really needed to head back to the beginning and read 2 Corinthians 1-4, so I did. I really got a lot more out of that passage of scripture than I ever had before, and I plan on going back and utilizing some of the discussion questions Paul and Jeff provided. So with another moment of prayer, I decided it was time to leave, but seeing as I wasn't tired I figured I would check out another trail I knew was nearby - it was just a short walk along the ridge on the Appalachian Trail to the Pine Knob Loop, which supposedly offered more scenic views. I mean come on, the map shows that they are not that far apart!

Well, first I hiked the 0.1 miles to the Appalachian Trail - no problem - and then headed north to find the Pine Knob Loop. And continued to head north, and more north, and more north. I wasn't really all that tired, the terrain wasn't too steep, so I soldiered on until finally I found the trail. So I headed off figuring that this loop didn't look too long. The trail had a decidedly downward slope to it, nothing terribly difficult just continuous. The loop took me along a really neat stream that at certain points had washed away everything leaving a wide swath of smooth, bare rock and also had some neat ravines.

A stream along the Pine Knob Loop

However, as you've probably guessed by now, the trail was not a short jaunt through the woods. I continued down, never curving back up the mountain, and eventually I found myself a mere stones throw from the parking lot (not where my car was) along the main road at the bottom of the mountain. I was a little tired by now and figured I would drink some water and eat the apple I had brought along, and continue on back up the final leg of the loop. I passed a couple with a dog on my way up, and they wished me good hiking and asked why I was taking the steep way up. At this point I was getting a little concerned because I was definitely low on energy and my legs were tired from the not so steep hike down, and decidedly longer than expected hike from Breadloaf Mountain. Nonetheless I continued on, but decided to check the map that I had picked up from the trailhead at the beginning of my journey. That's when I noticed the words -- Map Not to Scale -- Uh oh. I decided that perhaps I should turn around and walk the main road back to my car, since I did know that both parking lots were off the same road. A little further down I passed another guy, he asked how much further up it was to the overlook, he had heard that this was a 3-mile loop but wasn't how far to the scenic view. At this point I knew I had made the right decision to turn around, and so I backtracked to the parking lot, where I found out that by road it was another mile to my car. Once I got back, I went to go get a better look at the topographic map that was there -- as it turns out, the little semi-informational guide that I picked up was completely useless for anything other than pointing out highlights and finding camping and pay-phones. It was 0.6 miles from my car to the Appalachian Trail, probably another 1.5 - 2.0 miles from there to the Pine Knob Loop, I hiked at least half the loop (about 1.5 miles), backtracked about 0.5 mile and lastly walked 1.0 mile back to my car. Grand total estimate for my first hike of the year, and first real outdoors hike in a while -- 5.1 - 5.6 miles over varied terrain. For those of you who like topo maps, check out the terrain from Breadloaf Mtn to the north along the ridge and then the area between the two streams (that's the Pine Knob Loop).

It was an exhausting day, much more than I had planned, but I saw a lot of the beauty of Litchfield County up close. I also felt like I really got in some quality spiritual time, which I also needed. Next time I plan something like this though, I think I'll hit up Barnes & Noble for a guide and map book about Connecticut trails.

quick links - not so quick reads

2005-09-13T10:44:00.000-04:00

So before I get to another more lengthy update, here are some links to some excellent articles/blog-posts that I've come across recently.

Conversation about Walter Rauschenbusch - Brian McLaren
David Evans is a brilliant emerging theologian, African American, currently working with the Mennonite Central Committee and soon to begin PhD work in American religious history. He and I had lunch recently and talked about Walter and the social gospel, Anabaptism, civil religion, and other topics. He sent me this reflection after our most recent lunch which I thought was worth sharing. He gave me permission to post it here. If you'd like to email him for further dialogue, his email is . - Brian

First Corinthians circa 2005 - Patrick Mead
Be a part of God's blizzard. By yourself you're, well, just a flake.

Opening the Gift of Time - Jason Clark
Let me ask the question I hope you'll post an answer to as a comment, before you read below? How are you finding ways to subvert the rhythm of our consumer culture? Here are some of my ways and thoughts.

Enjoy!

back from elderlink 2005

2005-09-12T17:54:00.000-04:00

Yeah, you read that correctly... I went to ElderLink 2005 in Nashua, NH. I am in no way, shape, or form a church elder or leader, nor do I intend on being either of those things anytime soon (well, at least that's what I think, God may have something else in mind). For me, this was a great opportunity to re-balance my life a bit. Since I've been working a lot lately, I kind of felt my spiritual life suffered a bit since I didn't really have the time or energy to reflect on much.

In short, the plenary sessions with Randy Harris about doctrinal disagreements were awesome! I think a lot of what he had to say shook up some people who were there, and while this was primarily a Church of Christ event, I think a lot of what he said translates directly into inter-denominational and inter-faith/religion relations. I also thoroughly enjoyed David Wray's talks on Christian spiritual formation. He started with a brief introduction to some of the thoughts conveyed in Brian McLaren's A Generous Orthodoxy concerning modern churchs' overemphasis on spiritual information, as opposed to spiritual in formation. David Wray jumped off from there and talked about a need for balance of 3 things: spiritual information, spiritual formation, and spiritual transformation. I would translate this to the ideals of education, nurturing growth, and openness to being conformed to the image of Christ. Ok, you got me, that last bit about conforming was some more from David Wray's talks.

However, I would be horribly rude to leave out the main reason I went to ElderLink. Paul Clark was a co-presenter with Jeff Christian in a couple of sessions about being and becoming a missional church. The idea being that a missional church is not a place that you go to, but rather is a group from which you are sent out into the world (local, regional, global, or whatever your groups' calling is). I would say that while some of the tools and topics that were covered have no bearing on my current station in life (me not being a church leader of a church looking to move more missional), I did find the concepts helpful in understanding the kind of church community I want to be a part of. Paul is a great friend of mine, and he recommended that I come up for the event, for which I am grateful since I enjoyed his sessions and everything else. I did have a few people comment that I seemed a bit young to be at a conference aimed primarily at church elders, which was a bit amusing to me as it was truly curiosity and nothing more on their part. Most who continued in deeper conversation got a small taste of the ideas I have been floating around on this blog over the past year, along with the address of my blog (Welcome!).

I will have to check out what is on the books for next year's event, and maybe shake things up a bit more (I admit, I was mostly a wallflower). Anyway, I've rambled on plenty to make up for my weekend away from the blog. Coming up next, a recount of my winding outdoor journey from today (from which I am exhausted) and my current plan for expanding my prayer life and dwelling in scripture.

divulge from the norm

2005-09-08T17:12:00.000-04:00

So in a brief break from my typical spiritual and/or faith related musings, I just have to shoot out a quick blog about Apple and their super cool new stuff. First of all, when the ipod was introduced I really wasn't even paying attention to the digital music player market so I didn't really know what it was or how cool it was going to be. Once I saw one and saw how crazy consumers went for it, I kind of figured out that it was going to take something impossibly innovative to knock the ipod off the throne of digital music players. To date, the only thing I've ever seen is company after company attempting to mimic the ipod, albeit with some minor twist (thumbwheel, touchpad, indiglo screen, brushed metal skin, etc). However, no matter what the competition did, Apple always seemed ready with the one-up trump card -- ipod mini, ipod color, ipod shuffle. Now I think Apple has once again proved why they are on top of the digital music world.

Enter the ipod nano. It's smaller than the ipod mini in every aspect, but it packs the features of a regular ipod - such as a color screen, picture storage, and calendar/contacts. It utilizes the extreme featherweight concept of the shuffle (including the flash memory, not hard drive), but is as fully-featured as the heaviest ipod with long battery life to boot. And to top it all off, it comes in white or black (for now, I assume). Now while I do have a music player already, mine just doesn't have as much of a whiz-bang gadget impact as this newest ipod. I use a Sony netMD N510-S -- using those Sony proprietary minidiscs. It is cool in that technically speaking I can't run out of space for songs, but the downside is that I have to buy more discs if I want to carry more music -- which translates into carrying more stuff overall. Maybe one day I will treat myself to something cool, new and gadgety... but not today, I have too much will-power and recognition of my lack of need for it. Although, it would be nice...

Now couple that with their partnership with Cingular and Motorola to provide the ROKR - an iTunes enabled phone with functionality similar to an ipod shuffle - and I think the future dominance of Apple in the digital music world has been secured for quite a while longer.

If only honest, loving Christian faith were as prolific, contagious, and sought after.....

blogging about beliefs

2005-09-02T12:28:00.000-04:00

Matt Ritchie does it again! I've thoroughly enjoyed his Untangling the Gospel series of blog posts. The most recent one hit on some topics that I've mused upon at various times in life. The idea of beliefs and doctrines - which is which, which is important, how do we know what we hold, and other similar questions - was probably the most influential line of thinking in moving me philosophically outside the realm of what I would call the "doctrinally focused" church. What I mean by "doctrinally focused" is essentially that a group of people are more concerned about what they should believe rather than how they should believe. The following quote, from Kevin Smith's Dogma, I think drives home the idea - in this situation, associate their use of "belief" as doctrine.

Rufus
... the factioning of the religions. He said that mankind got it all wrong by taking a good idea and building a belief structure on it.

Bethany
Are you saying that having beliefs is a bad thing?

Rufus
I just think it's better to have ideas. You can change an idea. Changing a belief is trickier. People die for it, people kill for it.

Not to say that being able to flip-flop on issues is to be applauded, but more along the lines of understanding what those ideas are that you hold onto and live for so that you can adjust to the times, cultures and events as necessary. After all, when learning to multiply, rote memorization of the multiplication tables only gets you so far - you need to understand the concepts and principles behind the math if you want to make real progress.

Oh yeah, and check out Matt's Untangling the Gospel 9: You'd Better Believe It!

A New Kind of Conversation

2005-09-01T09:58:00.000-04:00

So I came across this upcoming blog-book in my daily blog reading. It's a grass-roots, free-form kind of discussion being geared up in blog format by Brian McLaren, Mabiala Kenzo, Bruce Ellis Benson, Ellen Haroutunian, Myron Penner and you! That's right, sign up to be a part of the conversation and you can make your voice heard if you so wish. Here's the description from the site...

Blogging Toward a Postmodern Faith

This blog-book will discuss what a postmodern evangelical faith looks like. The blog format will make it possible to allow you the reader, to participate in the writing of both the blog and the eventual published book to follow by Paternoster Press. Be a part of this experiment in conversation by adding your voice to the discussion.

the man behind the curtain

2005-08-30T17:11:00.000-04:00

Sometimes I find that I have some of the most convoluted ways of coming up with ideas. Some of you who know me more personally probably assume that everything I think, write, say, plan, etc comes from a very logical, structured kind of background or way of thinking. Sadly, this is probably about as far from the truth as can be in many cases. I usually meander my way to something interesting from a topic that only has a glancing relevance to what I end up figuring out. For example, my topic of the day...

Poverty as Blessing -- Matt Ritchie
"I find myself wondering: how would our faith communities be different if, instead of emphasizing God's blessings in providing abundance, we talked about how God finds us in our places of poverty?"

Matt's post really started me thinking about finding God or letting God find me in the places where I am weak and vulnerable. I will never be able to find God by focusing on areas in which I feel strongest, and he is most likely never going to reach me there because I haven't left much room. Actually, I take that back... God could reach me wherever he darn well chose to reach me -- let's just say my attention would be most rapt when I am smacked full in the face with something I am too proud to admit I feel a certain level of inadequacy about. Oddly, even though we should know that God can point out every flaw and every strength, we continue to build up our facade which is held up by an assortment of hacked together beliefs, understandings, arguments, skills and experiences. All of this we keep neatly hidden behind our curtain which we think only God can pierce, and we show off the very hip, cool, and organized facade to everyone we meet in life. At this point is when trouble begins to brew...

The conversation starts off fairly simple - just two people talking about life. However, things suddenly start to turn towards spirituality and while you don't necessarily disagree 100% with what is being said, something doesn't sit right. You realize with great difficulty that the other person seems to know where you stand on a lot of things, but doesn't take the same position and so you jump into action. You start to defend some of your positions and ideals which you feel are being disrespected, only to find you are parried with more information than you've ever had to cope with in a response and none of it truly disrespectful. Each new point in the conversation leads to more frustration with the other person and yourself, it feels like the walls are falling in on you and no matter how fast you react and repair the facade you are losing a battle with yourself.

You see, the other person has pierced through and seen the man behind the curtain, the one scrambling to reinforce the set on stage which is threatening to fall backwards on top of him. It seems no matter how many times you insist they "pay no attention to that man behind the curtain," they continue to find all the weak spots. The moment they peeked behind the curtain, the defense began and the explanations flew wildly so as to explain the reason behind this support beam, that two-by-four, those guide wires, and these patchwork grouping of nails. Only each time a piece of the kludgy framework is defended, you realize how shoddy and inadequate it really is, but you cannot admit you were misguided or uninformed. By now both you and your conversation partner have noticed the creaking sounds, and you are faced with a choice: to listen to this person a bit more and perhaps learn something new which could help you firm up your life and eliminate the need for the curtain; or defiantly stick to your guns and hope you can shore up ye olde facade that oddly seems a bit less lustrous as it was about 20 minutes ago.

So ask yourself, are you certain of your motives and mindset when you are conversing with someone? Are you truly listening, or are you scrambling for a defensive strategy? Personally, I've tried to cut back on grinding my axe and fortifying my ideals behind the scenes, I say let it all topple... its too much work trying to keep up appearances for the sake of someone else's pristine picture of Christianity, or my own for that matter. Why do we feel the need to "keep up with the Joneses" with our faith when in reality we are supposed to be keeping up with Jesus?

I suppose the weeks of infrequent blogging have caught up with, sorry if its feels/reads like a bit of a rant...