taking stock spiritually

Last week, as I highlighted my first full year of blogging, I took time to do a quick checklist of where I thought I saw myself spiritually at this point in time. However, looking back I can see that a quick list really didn't help anything since it seemed to trivialize a few things. So today it's back to the list and time to flesh things out a bit.

Sporadic Worship Attendance
As I said, I am apathetic about changing the fact that I don't attend some kind of worship service on a regular basis. However, that doesn't mean that I don't miss the interaction and encouragement of being in community. The situation is more that I'm tired of going through the motions just to find a small fragment of the community that I yearn to be a part of.

Infrequent Prayer Life
When I say that I feel awkward at times, I'm not kidding. Certainly, I grew up hearing prayer all the time, but somehow lately that form of prayer for me feels inauthentic and cheap. Think about it, you are conversing with God - who knows your thoughts, desires, and needs - and you want to chit chat about the headlines and minutia of daily life? I mean, certainly one must convey your heart's concerns to God, but shouldn't it be conversational and personal? And so I continue to infrequently pray, often seeking some kind of confirmation that I am on the right path.

No Small Groups
Some people think small groups are the same as devotional groups or bible studies, but to me all 3 are completely separate entities. To me, a small group is a gathering of people (no more than 10) that meet for the sole purpose of encouragement and strengthening of each other's spirits. Certainly prayer would be involved, and perhaps scripture from time to time, but the main objective of a small group should be to help people make sense of everyday life and equip them to cope with the real world. Since I haven't found any to join within a reasonable distance, I've thought about starting one but the idea intimidates me greatly.

Indifference for Bible Study/Devotional
Ok, I get a bit temperamental about this topic, but perhaps justifiably so from my history. Here's my take - certainly one could spend their entire life studying scripture and meeting in groups to glorify God with mini-sermons and singing, but how does that spread the Good News? Both bible study and devotional are useful at times, but they are also highly uncomfortable places to invite people for their first taste of Christ's loving message. I am not writing them off entirely, as I said they are useful, but at some point someone from those groups has to cut the cord and venture out to interact with the world. I've been to devotionals, bible studies, college bible courses and seminars, and while I admit there is much I don't know and much I've continued to learn, I'm ready for something more.

Lack of church Involvement
In my past, I've served in a few areas of the typical Sunday morning worship, but as I said I'm not real keen on taking up those roles currently. I guess the problem I see is that I would like to be involved, but I don't see where the talents I think I should be using would fit into most church communities. Being a webbie by trade, I obviously could assist on websites, but I'd be more interested if someone was interested in starting a web-based outreach or ministry that goes beyond the online mission/beliefs statement and invitation to visit on Sunday.

Firming up Spiritual Relationships
The most obvious relationships I have been working on this past year have been the ones that I develop in the course of writing this blog and reading others. Yes, it is a somewhat limited spiritual relationship, but for the tech-savvy it is also cherished. I also have a handful very good friends that I talk to and email from time to time - with them I hope to perhaps start or expand on the idea of spiritual running partnerships. The last thing, and perhaps most important, is that there are a few that I am trying to help in their own spiritual journey. Whether I am providing a supportive and comforting ear or shoulder, or recommending scriptures and authors, I do so as a servant without motive -- except the hope that they find the answers they need and the love they deserve.

Idling Spiritual Health
I know it's cliché, but I do feel like I am at a crossroads - again. I can feel at times that there is something I need to be doing, but I am at a loss for what that something is. Perhaps the feeling is something that will continue to gnaw at me, waiting for the right moment for inspiration or recognition to come, or perhaps I am too darn stubborn to see the forest through the trees. Overall I feel like I am in a good place spiritually, but I know there is more I need to do - not for my satisfaction or benefit, but for God's will and the benefit of those He would send me to. I might look into getting seriously involved in a charitable organization of some kind, but I am not sure yet.

In the meantime, as long as you keep reading, I'll keep thinking and writing...
I hope your journey goes well for you, and that you find spiritual renewal and closeness to God.
Cheers!